


A Little Time, A Lot Of Time, Forever?

by Supernatural_logic_locked



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Adventure, Angst, Death, Drugs, Fluff, Gamkar bang, Gamkar fluff, Gamzee x Karkat - Freeform, Gamzee/Karkat First Kiss, Killing, M/M, Rape Mentions, Self Harm, first bang, gamkar - Freeform, gamkar first kiss, gamkar smut, gamzee/Karkat bang, gamzee/Karkat smut, trigger warning, we got it ALLL here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-07-21 16:50:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 23,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7395685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Supernatural_logic_locked/pseuds/Supernatural_logic_locked
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat Vantas finally escaped from his house and is alone in the city. Until a clown helps him up in a Starbucks. It's not love at first sight, but maybe at first save, and the two get an apartment together, never even giving a thought to romantic feelings. What ever could come next?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is a quick note. Sorry for bad spelling etc. Enjoy! (I realized later that I need to explain my personal head cannon a bit. It's troll/human society. basically trolls and humans living together. There arnt really hives, but it's not human stuck, if ya get me. That's all. Thank you :)... Again... Enjoy.)

Karkat was a redblood. Otherwise known as something that should have died off a long time ago. His brother was constantly arguing about equality, but Karkat knew that was pretty much a lie. In human/troll society redbloods were treated like shit, and that was that. So, the morning that he was pushed down at a Starbucks, of course he wasn't expecting to get helped up. It was a human that had pushed him out of the way in line, and clumsy as ever he had tripped on his own shoelace and fell flat on his face. He even somehow managed to bang his head on a table. What the fuck. He sat up wincing and grabbed his back pack to drag it closer, just incase someone wanted to cause him even more trouble my grabbing at it. There was a tealblood female and a couple humans laughing at him. Suddenly, a painted face appeared in his line of view. "Are you motherfucking ok?" Karkat was stunned into silence for a second. "Um, yeah I'm fine." The juggalo stuck out one hand, which Karkat warily grabbed and let himself be hauled to his feet. The human who had pushed him sneered at the clown. "You're helping him?" He whirled around, towering over the man. "Is there a motherfucking problem with that?" The human shied, ducking his head and shuffling away. Karkat slung his backpack over his shoulder and prepared to leave, but before he could the tall troll turned back around to face him again. "Gamzee Makara." Karkat crossed his arms over his chest and cleared his throat. "Karkat Vantas." Gamzee smiled and held the door open for Karkat, following him outside.

The small troll was very nervous in what he assumed was a high bloods presence, but the other guy seemed very relaxed. "Thanks for that in there." Gamzee nodded. "No motherfucking problem brother." Karkat spotted another coffee shop in the distance and began to stride towards it. The clown followed him, and though he tried to walk faster it was to no avail, his legs were just too short in comparison. Gamzee held open the door again and Karkat nodded in thanks. When he had ordered his coffee he went to sit in a secluded corner, pulling up a websearch for apartments as he had been doing the past few days. To his dismay, the tall troll joined him at the table. He glanced up and almost gagged. "Faygo?" Gamzee tipped his soda. If it could be called that. "Motherfucking sweet elixir." Karkat raised an eyebrow and sipped his coffee. "Ok." 

Gamzee downed the whole bottle in one take, dropping it on the table and sliding it off to one side when he was done. Karkat gaped. "Holy shit." The statement was rewarded with a low chuckle. "So, what are you motherfucking doing?" Maybe if he just answered the guy he would leave him alone? "I'm looking for apartments. I need to to split the cost with someone until I get a better job." Gamzee leaned back in his chair and smiled to himself. Karkat glared over at him. "What?" "Well brother, I'm looking for the same motherfucking thing." Karkat blinked, glancing down at an open offer on his screen. "No fucking way." He started to wonder if he could possibly stand to room with this guy. He didn't seem so bad. Language aside (with which Karkat wasn't much better off himself) he actually didn't seem terrible at all. Gamzee shrugged. "Motherfucking miracles." 

Karkat scratched the back of his neck. "I don't know, we just met. Like. A few fucking seconds ago." Gamzee put his elbows on the table and leaned forward. "Well then, up and motherfucking tell me about your motherfucking self." He spoke in a slow way, with a rise and drop in sound on every other letter. It was weird, but Karkat found it comforting in an almost silly way. "I'm 18, pretty fucking poor, and basically looking to get on my feet." Gamzee nodded. "I'm motherfucking 19, and just looking to up and motherfucking get out of my motherfucking house." Karkat was still a tiny bit suspicious , but he turned his computer so Gamzee could see the screen and pointed to the offer displayed on it. "It's not far from here. We could walk." He wanted to know more about the odd guy before even considering this whole thing, and this seemed like a golden opportunity. Gamzee dragged the computer a few inches closer to him and started clicking away at it. Karkat was momentarily distracted by a text from Terezi, and by the time he had finished answering to it Gamzee handed the device back. Karkat just hoped he hadn't put any viruses onto it. "So..." 

Gamzee chucked his soda bottle into the air. It sailed over two tables and landed in the trash can, which was rewarded with a look of pure hatred from the human waitress. Karkat wasn't bothered. He would probably do the same thing if he had purple blood. "It's just- no one really wants to room with a mutant." He scratched nervously at his sleeves. It was true that he was trying to break a serious addiction to self harm. When he was young it was almost like he was trying to cut away the red colour, which would of course turn into a monster of a habit. Gamzee glanced down at Karkat's nervous hands. He knew what the action meant, but didn't think letting on to that would be wise at the moment. "I'm motherfucking fine with it. Fucking with a brother cause of blood is motherfucking bullshit. You don't seem like a bad motherfucking guy." Karkat laughed nervously and shut his computer. "Yeah, just don't say it so loud." He chugged the rest of his coffee, which burned his throat of course, but he didn't really care. "So if you don't mind me asking, what's you blood colour?" Gamzee's arms were concealed with a sweatshirt, so he could understand Karkat's question. Though most juggalos were indeed purple bloods, some others did follow the practice. "Motherfucking indigo." Karkat nodded again and Gamzee gestured for the empty coffee cup. Indigo. Hmm. Karkat hugged it close. "No fucking way. I'll get in trouble." Gamzee sighed and gently took the cup anyway, but instead of throwing it he strode over to drop it in the trashcan instead. Karkat followed after him and they exited the shop together. 

The streets were as busy as ever, and Karkat got as many cold stares and hateful glances as ever. It was almost like people could just sense he wasn't even rust, and automatically hated him for it. He felt himself crowding against Gamzee, but the lanky troll didn't seem to mind. He had a strangely dangerous yet protective air about him. "So you're trusting a guy you just fucking met, enough to just get an apartment with him?" Gamzee swung his head looking up and down the street. "I don't see why motherfucking not. I can take care of my motherfucking self if I up and motherfucking gotta. It's a motherfucking miracle I found a guy who doesn't motherfucking hate blood like mine." Karkat glanced up. "Nobody hates violets..." Gamzee looked down into Karkat's eyes. "No brother, they're just real motherfucking scared of them." "Being prone to madness and all..." Karkat finished. Gamzee nodded. Karkat scratched at his arms again. "You should never hate someone for their mental condition." Gamzee was silent for a moment. "You, brother, have your motherfucking understand on." Karkat couldn't help the blush that rose to his cheeks from the compliment before trotting to catch up with Gamzee again. "How fucking tall are you anyway?" "Motherfucking 6' 5" not motherfucking counting hair and horns." He had a very valid point. Gamzee's hair was especially fluffy, and his horns were quite tall. He took a moment to size up Karkat, leaving the younger troll feeling a bit naked. "You must be about motherfucking 5' 4"." Karkat coughed and Gamzee chuckled. The sun caught his face at a new angle and Karkat could swear he saw the shadows of three scars running the length of his face, but the darkness from his hair concealed it a moment later. 

"So where is this motherfucking place anyway?" "Up two blocks and then left three." As the pair began to cross the street there was the quiet sound of an approaching car and other distant city sounds. Suddenly Karkat felt huge hands under his arms and started to screech protest but was immediately jerked backward about three feet just as a small electric car rushed past in a cascade of wind. The small troll felt Gamzee's heavy breathing against his back and realized the tall male had wrapped his arms around him, hugging him close to his chest and lifting his feet off the ground. And saving his life. Everything was quiet except for the mumbling of people nearby who had witnessed the near-death. The man in the car beside them leaned out his window. "Hey! Are you ok?" Karkat nodded but was unable to do anything else because Gamzee was carrying him away towards the street corner. Karkat regained his footing as Gamzee set him down and came to his knees infront of him, inspecting the smaller troll for any sign of injury. "Are you motherfucking alright?" "Yeah-Gamzee..." He waited until indigo irises raised to his own red ones. "Thank you." 

Gamzee laughed ruefully. "I couldn't up and motherfucking let a brother die. Do you want me to motherfucking take you home?" His voice was slightly shaky around the edges, lacking the smooth quality it usually had. Karkat stalled. "I don't... My dad got arrested again and... I just left. I'm really fucking sorry about all this... I can just- go..." Gamzee stood and set a hand on his shoulder. "Ah... No. If you up and motherfucking trust a brother you can come come to my motherfucking place." Karkat shuffled with a moment of indecision, but finally answered. "Sure." He bit into one of the knuckles on his trembling hands. "Come on, you're motherfucking shaking." Gamzee waved for a taxi and one soon pulled up to the curb and both males slid into the car. Gamzee hunched into the seat so his horns wouldn't scrape the roof and started giving directions to the driver. Karkat huddled against the door and took deep breaths as his anxiety finally caught up with him and his heartbeats sped up. Somewhere in the back of his head his stupid fucking depression was telling him that he should have died, but he pushed it all away and attempted to calm down. 

He placed a hand on Gamzee's arm with rapidly paling face. "Karkat?" The world was sort of fading in and out of focus, sounded dimming and swooshing. Red eyes blinked, unseeing. Gamzee pulled the other into his warm side. He knew the most important thing to do for someone have an anxiety or panic attack is to make them feel safe. Protected. Even if you had just met. "Come on. Motherfucking breath. Slower." And he listened, slowing down and pacing out. 1 2 3 4, 1 2 3 4. And then he realized he was curled up, having an anxiety attack in a virtual strangers lap. Then again, it was the very same stranger that had saved his life and may be his future room mate. And then, everything sort of faded away.


	2. Chapter 2

Karkat pulled himself up shakily. Wait a second. Where was he? It was a bedroom. Pretty bare except for a few framed photos and a dresser next to the closet and... Well... Clown posters. And a chair. Karkat sat up and groaned. He could hear shouting on the floor below him, which must mean he was upstairs, wherever he was. "Motherfucking... Boy... What did you... Bring... Here to do?" There was more shouting that he couldn't quite catch and then lower voices. Finally whatever was happening seemed to end with the slamming of a door. Karkat sat stock still as he heard loud stomping up that stairs and the door opened. Gamzee shut the door quietly and leaned his head against it. Karkat could see his legs trembling and stood, silently creeping to his side before putting one hand on the small of his back. At this point, he didn't feel like Gamzee was so much of a stranger. The highblood's whole body convulsed with a flinch at the touch and he turned in a flash. "Karkat. Your motherfucking awake." 

His makeup was gone and Karkat could plainly see the scars he had thought were there. They still had a purple tinge, deep enough that they would never quite heal all the way. One ran right over his eye, jumping off his brow and rapidly reconnecting with his cheek, and Karkat was surprised that he hadn't been blinded by whatever had done this. "Fuck I forgot your motherfucking water. One second." Gamzee opened the door again and slipped down the stairs. The bedroom was on one side of a white carpeted landing. The staircase was located on the same side as Gamzee's room. Or what Karkat assumed was Gamzee's room. He glanced down the stairs again. There was a reddish tiled floor, but that was all he could see. Karkat started to back into the room again but jumped back about a foot when he noticed another boy across the way. He had face paint similar to Gamzee's, but... A touch creepier. He waved at Karkat but said nothing as they both waited for Gamzee to return, which he soon did, turning his back to the other room. 

Karkat pointed and Gamzee ducked the doorway to turn around again. The other clown started rapid fire signing and gesturing with an angry expression which then melted into worry. Gamzee sighed and glanced over at Karkat before handing him the water glass and quickly signing back. The silent male smiled softly and closed his door silently. Gamzee sighed exasperation and closed his door as well. 

Karkat gulped down the water and stood with the empty glass in hand. "Who... Was that?" Gamzee took the glass and set it on the dresser. "My older brother Kurloz. He... He motherfucking chewed his tongue out in motherfucking high school... He was always a motherfucking quiet guy but." He then sighed a few words or something. Karkat couldn't really tell, but he understood. "Oh." Gamzee nodded. "Morherfucking sit down." He directed, and Karkat complied. "You definitely look up and motherfucking better than you did yesterday." Karkat's eyes widened. "Yesterday!? Holy shit what time is it!?" Gamzee placed a hand on his shoulder. "About 7:00." Well. Karkat sighed. It wasn't like he had anywhere to be or anything. "... What happened downstairs?" Gamzee spun and plopped down on the bed next to Karkat. "My motherfucking dad... Doesn't really like me. We have a lot of motherfucking issues with each other. I keep telling Kurloz he should motherfucking move in with Meulin already but he's afraid our dad might motherfucking kill me someday." Karkat wanted to hug Gamzee or something but he didn't know how he'd react. "Anyway. He's a motherfucking homophobe or some shit and just." Gamzee made a low really unsettling noise in the back of his throat. "He flips his motherfucking shit every time I bring a guy home and he motherfucking walked in here while you were sleeping... Anyway he's gone now. Probably for a long motherucking while." Gamzee shrugged. 

"What did Kurloz say?" Gamzee flushed a deep shade of purple. "Honk." He cleared his throat deeply. "Motherfucking nothing." He nervously pulled his long hair into his face. "Do you wanna check out that motherfucking apartment now? Or you're probably sick of me and my motherfucking problems." Gamzee's face was still hidden. Karkat stood and stretched. "Of course not. I got some fucking problems with my dad too." Gamzee nodded and stretched out a long way to open the door before standing. Kurloz's door was open and Karkat could see him sitting on his bed drawing with his computer and tablet. He smiled and started signing at Gamzee with lighting like speed. 

"Honk. Honk. Honk." He started signing back and Karkat watched a silent battle occur between the two brothers. Both of their hands were working away and a slow blush was rising in Gamzee's cheeks. He finally threw up his hands and stormed away down the stairs mumbling more honks in his wake. Karkat watched as Kurloz was over come with silent laughter and rolled off his bed, hitting the floor with a thump. He sat up again and waved at Karkat, urgently motioning something through his laughter. Karkat shook his head. Kurloz disappeared for a moment, bent over with laughter. He pointed in the direction of the stairs, then touched his fingers to his thumb in a "talking" motion. "Tell Gamzee something?" He nodded vigorously and waved his hand over his face back and forth them smiled and stood. As he leaned against the door he pointed at himself then touched his fingertips to his chest then slightly extended that hand and touched his middle finger to his thumb before pointing at Karkat. "Um. This." Karkat waved his hand over his face. "And this?" He repeated the set of motions. Kurloz nodded and smiled widely before pushing the door almost shut. 

Karkat went down the stairs. There was a large dining room with a nice looking table. Gamzee was sitting at the bar at the head of the kitchen on the left. Off to the right was a large hallway and ahead of the dining room was a nice looking living room which connected to a large pair of double doors. Karkat sat on the stool next to Gamzee and spun in a circle once. "Kurloz said to say..." He waved his hand over his face. "Yeah. I almost motherucking forgot." He stood. "And this." Karkat went through the motions. "Oh my motherfucking God." Gamzee blushed deep purple again and hurried down the hall. "What does it mean?" Karkat leaned over, trying to catch a view of Gamzee when he turned on the bathroom light down the hall. "I'll motherfucking tell you later." "Ok..." Karkat continued to spin on the bar stool until Gamzee came out of the bathroom, face paint reapplied. 

"Are ready to up and motherfucking get going?" Karkat nodded. "Oh shit. Where's my backpack?" Gamzee had pulled out his wallet and was sorting through his bills. "I motherfucking grabbed it when... It's in my motherfucking room." Karkat hopped off the chair, pulling nervously at his t-shirt. "Can I leave it here?" Gamzee's hand twitched as he nearly brought it up to tussle Katkat's hair, remembering not to at the last second. "Sure, little motherfucker." Karkat snorted at the statement. He found Gamzee's way of talking almost offensive, but almost endearing at the same time. Almost. When he glanced up he saw Kurloz creeping down the stairs silently. Completely. Like, totally soundless. 

The older clown pressed a finger to his scarred lips. Karkat raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Gamzee seemed a little zoned out at the moment. Karkat guessed it probably happened to him a lot. Almost cute. Almost. Kurloz had arrived behind Gamzee, standing less than a foot away. "He's zoned isn't he?" Kurloz knew Karkat wouldn't understand, but signed it anyway. The little guy shrugged, not pretending to get it. Kurloz smiled and raised both arms, grabbing onto Gamzee's shoulders then crouching as fast as he could. And smartly so. There was a juggling pin in his hand in a second and he swung it around at high velocity. Probably enough to kill with highblood strength. Kurloz stood, smiling and grabbed Gamzee's arm. Karkat smiled as the younger Makara fumed. It was pretty funny. "Motherfucker- come on Karkat. Let's motherfucking go." He shoved the pins back into his strife deck and stuck out a hand, which Karkat reflexively grabbed on to before realizing it. Kurloz snorted and turned around laughing. Gamzee face-palmed and started signing something like "Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you." As he backed out the door. 

As soon as Karkat was on the porch he was overcome with a fit of laughter. He was actually the happiest he'd been in a while, and quickly growing comfortable around Gamzee. The taller male honked and began to chuckle along. When Karkat could finally breath again he reached up to tug on Gamzee's sleeve. "Let's be friends. Ok asshat?" Gamzee smiled widely. "A brothers got his motherfucking agree on." Throwing caution to the wind, Karkat gave Gamzee a quick hug, then hurried down the steps. The smiling juggalo followed. 

Karkat was almost reluctant when they reached the apartment. Gamzee was good company and he didn't want the walk to end. But it did all the same. The arrived at a nice little red and white complex. None were over two stories, but Karkat made sure they were spacious inside. The manager quickly spotted them and directed them to apartment 413, giving them a full briefing and tour. There was only one bed room, but it was big enough for two beds, and Gamzee and Karkat both agreed it would be fine if they shared closet and sleep space. Neither of them snored or anything. The kitchen was good, and the living room was pretty big. Overall it was a good, clean, large space. Perfect. The manager didn't even seem to mind or even care about the colours of their blood. Definitely a huge plus. They shook hands and she handed them the contract, telling them to take all the time they needed. 

Gamzee bent his long frame and sank to the steps in front of the apartment. Karkat sat down beside him, anxiously flipping through the contract. He hoped Gamzee wasn't having second thoughts or- didn't like him? -Or. Well. There was a million things that could go wrong. "What a motherfucking miracle." Katkat's thoughts vanished. "What?" Gamzee stretched out against the asphalt. "A motherfucking miracle." Karkat blinked, eyes darting between Gamzee and the contract. Finally, "Yeah." Gamzee closed his eyes and smiled, handing a pen to Karkat. "I'll up and motherfucking sign it if you motherfucking do too." Karkat gently took the pen. Where did he even get it from? His hair? "Ok." He set the paper onto the sidewalk and scribbled a messy version of his name onto one of the lines on the bottom. Gamzee trapped one edge under his finger and dragged it closer to him, gesturing for the pen. He signed in lazy loopy cursive, capitalizing every other letter. Karkat didn't care how he signed the paper. He was already feeling quite attached to the weird guy, scars and all. They talked about costs and food and schedules, decided to split all household costs, leaving some wriggle room for both of them. Their work times were more or less the same, so everything worked out well. Karkat was... Glad. 

He'd never met someone he liked so much in so little time after meeting them. He glanced over. Gamzee was sun bathing, face turned up to warm in the light. He had a small smile on his painted lips, like he was really happy about something. The smile of true happiness is the smallest of all. However, the manager lady was slowly starting to hover. Karkat stood and handed her the paper, saying it was perfect and they would take the offer. She smiled and shook his hand once more before retreating into her office. 

Karkat blinked. He'd done it. He'd gotten away from home and he had an apartment. With Gamzee Makara. The name wasn't all that strange in his mind. Not anymore. He turned around. The clown was still strung out on the steps, peering at him with one eye open. "Well brother, looks like we up and motherfucking rent an apartment." Karkat laughed. "Well... Yeah!" Gamzee stood back to his full height, slightly reminding Karkat just how small he was. Gam raised one arm for a second, then let it fall back to his side. Karkat rolled his eyes and leaned forward, bringing a huge smile to Gamzee's face. He reached out and ruffled fluffy black hair. It kind of felt nice. But the angry little guy was. Not going to admit that.


	3. Chapter 3

Gamzee and Karkat spent a few more days staying at the highblood's house. Just as he had predicted, his father did not return. The two mostly just played videos games and got to know each other a little better. You can learn a lot about someone in three solid days, and Karkat might have had... A teeny... Tiny. Little. Crush on the guy. Maybe. Kurloz seemed to be having a lot of fun, whatever he was teasing Gamzee about. 

Karkat emptied the clip on his virtual gun, pressing the button to re-load. "So what did Kur have me say that day?" Gamzee spit out his water back into his cup slowly. Karkat could clearly see a blush on his face, as he wasn't wearing his make up at the moment. "It up and motherfucking means..." He pointed at himself. "I." He placed his finger tips on his chest, them removed then slightly and touched his middle finger to his thumb. "Like." He pointed at Karkat. "You." Red rose to his cheeks, though he couldn't fathom why. His character stopped moving for a moment, just enough to let a bot gun it down. "Shit." He frowned as the re-spawn menu popped up for both spilt screens. Gamzee chuckled deep in his throat. 

The next few days were spent hauling Gamzee's shit into the apartment. Of course only Kurloz would help, but it didn't take long. Once they were all sitting on the sofa sipping at lemonade Karkat sighed. "Gamzee... Do you want to go out to my house to get my stuff? If you don't it's fucking cool, I just need a car..." "Honk." Gamzee cleared his throat. Karkat had noticed he had a little... Habit? Trait? Of saying honk. It was. Weird? Endearing? "Of course a brother will up and motherfucking help you get your shit." Kurloz nodded. "Me too." Gamzee jerked his head in the direction of his brother. "He up and motherfucking agrees." Karkat smiled. "Thanks." Gamz stretched out, sliding his feet under the coffee table and grabbing his lemonade, promptly chugging the whole thing. He slammed the glass down (gently) and stood. "Let's up and motherfucking go." He was already out the door by the time Karkat had managed to drink the rest of his own cup. Kurloz stood and stepped on the top of the couch, hopping down to the floor and following his brother. Karkat grabbed the keys and rushed out after them, making sure to lock the door. 

A red converse tapped nervously on the floor near the pedals. His former house was in the suburbs, a weird place off the freeway a few miles from town. Kurloz was smiling at something on his phone, Gamzee seemed to be enjoying watching cows as they zoomed past. The redblood let out a sigh, which was accidentally really loud, considering it broke Gamzee out of a trance. "What's up and motherfucking wrong brother?" "I... Maybe I should have gone alone..." Gamzee shifted and placed a hand on his arm. "You should never be motherfucking alone." Kurloz glanced up from his phone, but made no move to communicate. 

Karkat sighed again and turned the car. "Well, here we are." He turned onto the drive of possibly the most crappy house in existence. Gamzee sat forward in his seat and squinted out the window. "Motherfuck. Am I really that motherfucking high?" Karkat glanced over at him. "Uh no. It... Really looks that bad." Karkats view was suddenly blocked by fuzzy black hair. Kurloz was furiously sighting something at Gamzee, and expression of pure rage on his face. "Kurloz calm the motherfuck down. No. No. I'm motherfucking fine." Karkat decided to get out of the car. 

His house- previous house- was a mess. The front porch had collapsed, and the doorway was partly obscured. There were slurs and rude words painted all over that his father no longer bothered to wash off. Most of the windows had been boarded up to prevent further cracking of glass. Karkat jumped as a hand was placed on his shoulder. Gamzee had walked up behind him silently. "Are you motherfucking ok?" Karkat nodded. "What the motherfuck happened here?" The short troll lifted a hand to remove Gamzee's, but ended up clutching on to it instead. "Have you ever heard of signless?" Gamzee's lip curled on the edge. "Motherfucking... Yeah." Karkat dropped his hand. "Yeah. That's my... Dad." Gamzee's hand slid down and latched onto Katkat's upper arm, turning him to face his chest. The highblood leaned down to meet candy red eyes. "Are you motherfucking serious?" 

Signless was an infamous freedom fighter. He was constantly getting arrested for protesting in restricted areas, and generally being annoying to anyone who was higher than rust blood. Karkat knew first hand the response to signless's actions. Bricks had been thrown through his window in the middle of the night, and sometimes he was even afraid to sleep. Of course signless had no income whatsoever, so Kankri and Karkat had virtually starved to death as kids, the house falling apart around them. Of course Karkat believed in the cause, but he couldn't find it in himself to forgive his father for what he had done. 

The front door opened a crack and Karkat tensed. A man stepped outside, staring straight at the redblood boy. "Karkat!" He stepped over a pile of junk and ran to hug his son. The embrace was not returned. Gamzee had backed up a few steps when the door was opened, his whole body tense. Signless suddenly seemed to notice the juggalo and turned to his son in rage. "Is this a fucking highblood? What the fuck is he doing here?" Karkat latched onto his fathers wrist, steel in his eyes. "We're just here to get my stuff, then you'll never be seeing me again, don't worry." Signless growled low in his throat. "I'm not letting some fucking purple filth into my house." Karkat trembled with rage. "How about you fucking leave, and come back in a few hours, and I'll be gone forever." Gamzee's half lidded gaze slid between the two redbloods, but he stood silently. Signless gave his son a pained look, but after a few moments he sighed and walked away. 

Karkat stepped forward and rested his head on Gamzee's chest, who draped a long arm over his back. "I've never stood up to him before." Gamzee was quiet for a moment. "You did motherfucking good." When Karkat lifted his head he saw Kurloz standing behind Gamzee. "Are you ready to get your stuff?" He signed. "Uh we should... Get my stuff." At least, he was pretty sure that's what Kurloz had suggested. Gamzee nodded and stepped back. Karkat tip toed over the junk littering the front porch and pushed open the door. He felt Gamzee's warmth close to his back. "Wow Karbro. Not to be motherfucking offensive, but you motherfucking lived here?" Karkat sighed. "You better believe it." The carpet was old and dingy. The couch looked rotten. The tables were all scuffed and old. "It's not like I hate my dad or anything... He just... Didn't take care of me and my brother and I kind of hold it against him..." 

Gamzee nodded. The place was almost creepy enough to make him want to pull out his juggling pins. Karkat walked down the water stained hall and opened the door to his room. He knew his fathers only held a bed and Kankri's had long ago been vacated. Luckily, it looked like no one had been inside it since he had left. He was lucky to have found a nice roommate and an apartment so quickly. Karkat grabbed a stray backpack off the floor and started stuffing anything he could into it. Gamzee shook out one of the plastic bags they had brought and followed suit. His brother tapped him on the shoulder. "We can't take that bed Gam. It looks motherfucking infested. We should buy him a new one." The younger clown nodded. "Hey Karbro." Karkat hummed to signify that he was indeed listening. "You bed is motherfucking gross. I'm motherfucking buying you a new one." The short troll whirled around. "No way Gamzee! I can't let you fucking do that for me!" The whole situation was almost comical. Kurloz smiled and started gathering what remained of Karkat's clothes. Gamzee shrugged. "Too motherfucking bad, cause I'm not touching that." He pointed at the disgusting bed. "And I'm not letting you sleep on the motherfucking couch." He silenced Karkat's protests with a glare. "And I'm not letting you motherfucking pay for it either." Karkat stammered, trying to come up with something to keep Gamzee from doing this, but pulled a blank and started angrily shoving things into his backpack. He didn't have much, and the three guys were soon in the car and on their way back to the apartment. 

When they had dropped off Karkat's stuff, they headed off to the nearest furniture store (despite the little trolls many protests). Kurloz and Gamzee spent the longest time just rolling on the beds testing them while Karkat fumed on the side lines. "Don't do that Gamzee, you'll get face paint all over it!" "Jegus! Haven't you rolled on that one enough?" Cut it the fuck out you two!" They eventually picked one out with a bit of Karkat's help, but much to his dismay wouldn't even let him help them haul it to the truck. Gamzee decided to drive this time, and they all sang along to songs on the radio. 

Karkat ran ahead and unlocked the door, hovering over Gamzee's shoulder as they dropped off the mattress and bed frame. Gamzee invited him to dinner, but Kurloz said he had plans with Mutina and finally drove away, leaving them alone. 

Karkat took another bite of spaghetti and read over step four again, shoving one part of the bed frame together. "Why was Kurloz angry with you today?" He looked up nervously. Gamzee sighed and leaned back against the wall. "I used to be all up and motherfucking addicted to a lot of shit, and Kurloz thought I might be going back to my old motherfucking ways." Karkat nodded. "Oh. But you're ok?" Gamzee have a low chuckle. "Yeah, brother. Have you ever been motherfucking high? It's something you can enjoy once in a motherfucking while." Karkat laughed. "Sopor slime smells gross as fuck." Gamzee chuckled again and let out a small honk before standing to lift up the bed frame. Karkat helped him position it and slid it over to the left wall. They had a little bit of a difficult time getting the mattress inside the room alongside Gamzee's bed, but they got it done, collapsing into their respective beds. 

"It's good to be home." "Honk." There was a moment of silence that wasn't necessarily awkward, but Karkat pushed himself up and stood to break it. "I'm gonna put our plates away. Wash off your makeup or you'll have to get new pillowcases again." He exited as Gamzee grumbled after him. It would be nice to not have to sleep on the floor anymore as he and Gamzee had been doing, but he wondered what it would be like to sleep in the same room as someone else. The plates clattered as he set them in the sink. Honestly, he really hoped he would be able to sleep well. Gamzee was so fucking protective, and it made him feel really safe for the first time in a long time. Maybe ever? Karkat bent to pick up his freshly washed sheets. They had little red crabs all over them, and smelled like cinnamon. As he made his bed he could hear the water in the other room running, and once he had finished he collapsed on the couch and turned on the tv and ps4. Gamzee came out of the bathroom drying his face with a towel which he threw back in the general direction of the laundry basket. The tall troll stretched out, experimentally putting his feet in Karkat's lap. The little guy didn't seem to mind. It's not like they smelled or anything. It started getting pretty late, and Karkat realized that Gamzee had fallen asleep. He stood up, but this did nothing but drop Gamzee's feet to the floor, and he still didn't wake up. Karkat shut off the tv and put a hand on the black clothed chest, leaning down next to his pointed ear. "Gamzee." The indigo eyes opened slowly and there was a moment of prolonged staring between the two. "Time for bed." Karkat got up and walked to the bed room. 

Gamzee entered after a moment and crashed down onto his bed, falling asleep almost instantly. It took a bit longer for Karkat, but he found that the sound of Gamzee's breathing was a rivalling comfort to music from his earbuds, and eventually fell into the never ending darkness of sleep. 

And that's how it was for a while. Karkat and Gamzee went to work, got home and hung out, then went to sleep. They got to know each other very well over the next month or so, and Karkat realized he had a bit of a... Crush? On Gamzee. But, whenever it came to mind he waved the thought away. They had a few small parties, only inviting their closest friends of course. And all was well. 

Karkat dropped his bags near the front door. It had been a pretty busy day, and he was kind of tired. Gamzee was passed out on the couch, but it didn't look like it was from drugs or anything. Karkat crouched down next to him and had a brief impulse to kiss him, put pushed it down. Silly redblood. He shook Gamzee's arm. "Hey asshat. Wake up." A huge yawn came up from Gamzee's chest and he stretched his arms and legs before resting his gaze on Karkat. "Hey Karbro." The short troll stood, saying something about dinner. Gamzee watched him go before sitting up to watch him walk around the kitchen and proceeded to zone out. Karkat looked back at him and rolled his eyes. "Come help." They made some basic Mac n' Cheese, the most classic and delicious of all foods. Karkat refused to let Gamzee fall asleep on the couch again and told him to wash his face and lay down. The juggalo complied and his deep breaths and the occasional quite honk could soon be heard from the adjacent room. Karkat finished washing the dishes and got into his pajamas, snuggling deep into the covers on his soft bed.


	4. Chapter 4

Gamzee woke with worry in his heart. Something wasn't right. Had someone broken in to the house? No, he would've woken up sooner. There it was again. A little whine. He listened closer. Yeah, whining. And heavy breaths. Oh, Karkat must be having a nightmare. And it sounded pretty bad. There was a soft cry and Karkat's eyes sprang open. Gamzee stared, silently willing him to calm down, then lifting one arm, making a pocket of covers next to him. Karkat glanced down at the floor. Nightmares always made him really paranoid, but he gathered his courage and hopped onto the floor, migrating to Gamzee's bed. He crawled under the covers, trying not to think about the implications. It was so warm. Like Gamzee had created this little bubble of the perfect temperature. Karkat settled with his back to Gamzee and felt long arms wrap around him, gently dragging him closer into Gamzee's chest. Gamzee nuzzled into Karkat's hair. He smelled good, but it's wasn't something he could quite pinpoint. Maybe, chocolate, spices, a hint of that smell from cozy sweaters, and something else. It wasn't something he needed to worry about right now. Karkat's breathing slowed and eventually deepened into sleep, and Gamzee followed suit rapidly. 

 

Karkat woke feeling happy. What was it again? It was Saturday. But something else. It took him a moment to realize that he was looking at his empty bed, and a bit longer to remember what had happened last night. He could still feel Gamzee's arms around his waist, and realized that the highblood's cheek rested against his neck, chest pressed against his back. Karkat's didn't want to move, didn't want the moment to end. But it did, Gamzee woke up, and they crawled out of bed and went about the day making breakfast. French toast, cereal, whatever. 

Karkat clicked his spoon against the side of his bowl. "Thank you Gamzee. For... Letting me sleep with you." A blush rose to his cheeks. "No motherucking problem. If a brother needs some motherucking comfort I'm right motherfucking here." Karkat smiled up at him. "Thank you." Gamzee smiled back. "So what do you want to do on such a motherfucking fine day?" Karkat narrowed his eyes. "Have you even looked outside?" "Nope." "It's raining." The cancer mumbled around a mouthful of food. Gamzee seemed offended. "That doesn't motherfucking mean it can't up and be a fine motherfucking day." Karkat giggled, nearly spewing milk everywhere. "Ok Gamzee." The highblood lowered his eyelids even more and sat up to lean forward slightly. "Do you want me to motherfucking show you?" Shivers went up Karkat's spine and he stifled a gulp. He then nervously slid his bowl to the other end of the table. "You can fucking try." 

Gamzee then proceeded to lean over the table and kiss Karkat directly on the mouth. His eyes flew open in surprise and a small noise came from the back of his throat. The clown pulled away and sat back into his chair. Karkat covered his mouth with his fingertips and blinked. "Shit, I'm motherfucking sorry-" Gamzee started to stand, but Karkat grabbed the neck of his hoodie and pulled him down, his elbow hitting the table with a loud bang, but he didn't care. He was kissing Gamzee and Gamzee liked him and Gamzee returned his feelings and his lips were on Gamzee's and- his mind went blank as the clown opened his mouth and softly bit Katkat's bottom lip before pulling away. There was a moment of staring between the two and Gamzee started to chuckle. Karkat looked down at his lap. "...What?" "I always wondered what your pretty motherfucking face would look like all painted the motherfuck up." He reach forward and smeared a bit of white/grey off of Karkat's lips, who blushed. "Oh really?" Gamzee sat back and nodded. Karkat stood and gathered up the plates and dumped them unceremoniously into the sink, before traveling back to plop onto the couch. 

Gamzee came to sit next to him, a distance that would have been considered invasive just a few moments ago. Wow. How time moved. Karkat slid his eyes sideways to look at him. "How long have you been wanting to do that?" Gamzee mirrored the action. "A long motherfucking time. Ever since I saved you, to be motherfucking honest." Karkat raised an eyebrow. "Kurloz motherfucking knows I up and fall hard and motherfucking fast, that's why he was being a motherfucking bitch." Karkat flattened his ears. "It all makes so much fucking sense now!" Gamzee smiled and tilted his head to look down. "Can I kiss you again?" The clown nodded and Karkat surged up to meet his lips, turning and placing one bent leg into Gamzee's lap. There was a quiet knock on the door and the pair disconnected. "Who the motherfuck could that be?" Gamzee wondered, staring down into Karkat's eyes, their faces but a breath apart. "I'd better see." 

Neither moved. The knock came again and the small troll started to get up, but was stopped with a hand on his wrist. Gamzee reached up with his sleeve to wipe away the stray paint on the Cancer's lips and face. He blushed a light red at the small gesture of affection and hurried over to the door. The tv went on in the background and he opened the door a crack. "Hey Karkat." "Kankri!" The door flew open and Karkat jumped into his brothers arms. "I haven't seen you in so fucking long!" "Language." The red older Vantas grumbled. Karkat rolled his eyes. "What are you doing here?" Kankri glanced behind him to the motorcycle parked in the lot. A troll wearing a white shirt and leather jacket leaned against it. When he saw Karkat looking he waved and smiled, shifting the unlit cigarette in his mouth. "Uh, just came to say hi." Karkat noticed Kankri staring behind him and looked back. As he had guessed Gamzee had walked up behind him. "Gamzee, this is my brother Kankri." "Nice to up and motherfucking meet you." Karkat could feel Gamzee's body pressed up against him, which was extremely distracting to say in the least. Kankri nodded and tapped his foot. "Well I really must be going. Cronus and I were just driving by and I thought I'd stop and say hello." Karkat smiled and leaned forward to hug his brother again. "Ok come and fucking visit me some time ok?" Kankri gave a final squeeze before stepping back. "Ok. We will." He jumped off the steps and put on the helmet Cronus offered to him before swinging on to the motorcycle. Karkat waved as they drove away and closed the door.


	5. Chapter 5

Karkat started to turn back around. "Whatever are we gonna do no-wah!" He realized he was falling mid sentence, letting out a mildly panicked scream, but never hit the ground, crashing into Gamzee instead. "You should tie your motherfucking shoes brother." Gamzee lifted him up and off of his shoelace, setting him back on his feet. "Yeah, whatever." Karkat kicked off his shoes, sending them flying into a corner of the house and pouted like a grumpy baby. Gamzee smiled down at him, happy just knowing he was... His. They belonged to each other. Karkat suddenly bounced up, stretching out on his tiptoes. 

"Gamzee. Give me a piggy back ride." "Alright." The clown sat down on the arm of the couch so Karkat could climb up and wrap his legs around his waist. Gamzee wrapped his hands around Karkat's knees and stood, the redblood's arms locked around his shoulders. He felt a face pop out of his hair. "Holy shit. This is what you get to see all the time?" Gamzee chuckled low in his throat, the vibrations registering in Karkat's chest. Karkat pointed with his left hand. "Go over there." Gamzee took a few steps in his usual smooth gait. Karkat leaned forward, pressing their bodies even closer. "Keep going." Gamzee started to make a circle around the living room. "So is that your brothers motherfucking boyfriend?" Karkat nodded, chin bouncing on Gamzee's shoulder. "Yeah that's Cronus." Gamzee finished his circle of the living room. "Go outside." He glanced back at his rider, who kissed him on the edge of the mouth. Karkat clutched tighter with his legs as Gamzee removed a hand to open the door. The drizzle from earlier had passed, leaving the pavement wet and the sun shining. Karkat grabbed the keys from the tack beside the door as they passed. 

"See Karbro? It's a fine motherfucking day." Gamzee started to head in the direction of a nearby park. "Yeah." Karkat whispered against his neck, then laughed to himself. "What?" Gamzee asked. "I feel like this is so fucking normal. Like we've been dating for months or some shit like that, and now I finally get to kiss you." Gamzee smiled softly, and though Karkat couldn't see he understood what the silence meant. "Karbro?" "Yeah?" "You forgot your motherfucking shoes." Karkat wiggled his red-socked toes. "Oh my fucking god. Come on, go back." Karkat tried to turn Gamzee around by throwing his weight to the side, but only succeeded in turning the clown in a full circle, which he had no doubt was a deliberate action. "Gamzee I can't go to the park with no shoes on in the middle of the day." "You can do what ever the motherfuck you want Karbro." The small troll knew struggling was pointless, as he didn't want to get his good socks wet. "Except for going back to the fucking house." Gamzee laughed. "Yes, except for going back to the motherfucking house." Karkat sighed and snuggled his face into Gamzee's hair for the rest of the ride. He smelled like mint and face paint and a touch of grape faygo, which somehow wasn't unpleasant together. 

Finally, the couple entered the park, which was only about a block from their house. "Alright Karbro, where do you wanna motherfucking sit?" Karkat sat up and examined the park, finally pointing to the swing set. Gamzee lumbered over to the swings and let Karkat dismount onto one, sitting on the one next to it. Karkat began to pump his legs fruitlessly, so Gamzee got up and gave him a big push. It wasn't like they hadn't been to the park together before, but it was different this time. More special. Gamzee actually had a rather hard time swinging because of the length of his legs, but he joined Karkat by pushing himself back and forth with the ground. After a while Gamzee carried Karkat to the top of the giant plastic and metal castle thing. It was about two stories tall and had multiple slides leading out of it. They sat in one that was just a tube leading from one part of the spiral staircase down a few feet to another. 

Karkat snuggled close into Gamzee the way he had always wanted to and never been able to do before, softly kissing at his neck. After a little while they heard the loud noise of a child coming up the plastic stairs, stomping their feet as hard as they could. Karkat paused what he was doing and looked out the bottom of the tunnel. A small girls head popped into view. "Hi!" She was a young tealblood by the look of it, her horns tiny orange spots in her hair. "Hey." Karkat responded, which earned a grin from the child. "What are you doing?" She giggled. Karkat considered for a moment. "Just hanging out." She nodded, pretending to be serious. "Cool." She couldn't hold her poker face any longer and went into a fit of giggles. Finally she went up the last two steps. "Mommy! Watch me!" "Ok honey!" And then she was gone down the big slide. 

Karkat sighed. What would it have been like to have a mom? One who cared and loved? He turned to Gamzee. "Were you adopted or sired?" Gamzee raised an eyebrow but answered regardless. "Motherfucking sired." Karkat nodded. "Me too." Troll genetic material could be sent in and randomly paired with another troll. Sometimes, it was demanded that the specific wriggler for a specific pairing be sent back, but most of the time this was not the case. Some trolls didn't even have parents. Karkat supposed he would never know his own genetics beside his father. Signless had merely wanted two sons, he didn't care about romance. Gamzee settled back against the slide. "Why do you up and motherfucking ask?" Karkat shrugged. "Just wondering." His thoughts quickly moved on to other things as Gamzee aloud himself to slide down the tube and get access to Karkat's neck, where he began to gently nibble. Karkat tilted his head to give him more space and reached up to gently run his fingers over one of the long horns. Gamzee shivered pleasantly. Finally the highblood sat up. "I'm so glad you let me motherfucking kiss you." "Shoosh." He leaned forward to meet Gamzee's lips again. 

There came the sound of the girl once more and they sprang apart. When she reached them she stuck her head into the plastic pipe. "Hehehe. Why aren't you wearing any shoooes?" Karkat pretended to look angry and pointed at Gamzee. "It's his fault." "Come on brother don't m- play that way." The young troll girl widened her eyes. "Did he take them?" Karkat laughed. "Yes." She gasped. "Bad boy. Hehehe." Gamzee narrowed his eyes and glared at Karkat. "He let me take them." Karkat rolled his eyes. "Who are you talking to up there?" The woman's voice called. "A boy with no shoes!" The woman seemed to think this amusing and laughed. "Ok honey. Come on, it's time to go home." The troll girl waved. "Bye." She went down the slide again. 

Karkat stretched as best he could in his confines. "What time is it?" Gamzee lifted his hips to gain access to the phone in his back pocket. "Motherfucking 3:00." "I guess it is time to go home. Do you wanna go down the slide?" Gamzee lifted his feet and climbed out of the tube. "Let me up and go motherfucking first." Karkat followed him. "Fine." He waited until he heard the spray of feet hitting wood chips before climbing into the entrance and letting gravity take control. Red and blue flashed past and then he was at the bottom, careful not to actually touch the splinters. 

Gamzee's face dropped down from where he had been waiting on top of the slide, stealing a quick kiss before slipping down and letting Karkat's legs wrap around his waist once more. The last of the rain water had faded and the parking lot was dry as Gamzee walked back across it, opening the door to 413. 

As soon as the door was shut Gamzee fell backwards into the couch, lifting his feet to take off his own shoes. Karkat rounded the couch to copy Gamzee's actions on the other side, careful that their heads didn't crack together or have Gamzee's horn impale him. Two shoes dropped to the floor and Gamzee sighed, wriggling his toes. Karkat pressed their cheeks together. It was so nice to be this close with Gamzee. What he had wanted for a while and been too afraid to act on, really. "Honk." That must mean Gamzee was happy too. But, Karkat had to get up and make dinner, so Gamzee helped and then they sat down infront of some random comedy to eat. Karkat ordered Gamzee to wash off his face paint, and remembered that he had to wash his face as well, but waited. The day had gone so fast, yet it felt like a lifetime. 

Honestly, he really had felt like he and Gamzee had been a little more than bros for a while, and today just sealed the deal. The kisses felt familiar, but entirely new at the same time. It was a strange sensation. Karkat stood up and went to the bathroom to wash off the grey and white decorating his neck and face. He thought about what Gamzee has said with a smile, stripping off his pants and abandoning them on the floor. He wandered to the bedroom to find his sleeping shirt. I was just a great big baggy thing with a grey cancer symbol on the front, but it was very comfy. When he cam out of the bedroom he noticed Gamzee was staring at the wall again. There was a particular wall in the house that seemed to bug him quite a lot. He said he got bad feelings from it, and often zoned out just staring at it. Karkat walked up and gently placed a hand on his back. "Gamzee?" The tall troll slowly blinked a couple of times, then turned to Karkat. "Karbro, did I take my motherfucking meds today?" Karkat blinked. "Shit. No. I forgot to remind you ugh." Gamzee glanced back at the wall. "It's motherfucking ok. I can take them now." 

Gamzee swiped an orange bottle off the table, shaking out two pills and swallowing them down with a glass of water, but continued to warily eye the wall. Karkat came up and hugged him, burying his face in his chest. "Gamzee, what do you see?" Gamzee wrapped his long arms around his partner and rocked him side to side in a dancing sort of motion, slowly turning him so Karkat's back wouldn't face the wall. "I don't motherfucking see anything at the moment. But it was motherfucking talking to me." Gamzee sighed. "Come on Karbro lets get the motherfuck to bed." "Ok." 

Karkat led Gamzee to the bedroom, and settled him down in his bed. Just as he turned to retreat to his own respective red covers, there was a hand around his wrist, then one on his waist, and before he could register it, he had been dragged under the indigo sheets. Gamzee looped one leg over his and encased him in his arms. He didn't mind. It was warm, and he loved the feel of Gamzee's body. Just as Karkat was about to drift over the edge and into unconsciousness, he heard a small whisper. "I would never let anything motherfucking hurt you Karkat." And then, all was black.


	6. Chapter 6

Karkat woke every morning, Gamzee in his arms and his heart. It took almost a week to convince the highblood to push the two beds together into the middle of the room so that they would have more space to sleep together. They spent weeks sharing sunny and rainy days, board games, and kisses. It was probably the happiest month Karkat had ever experienced. No. It was. And finally, he looked forward to coming home. 

He discovered Gamzee got along with all of his friends, except for Terezi. They simply couldn't stand each other. But it was no matter. He was happy, and hadn't cut for months. These thoughts circled through his head as he searched for his keys. Once found, he jammed them into the door and shoved it open. Gamzee grabbed him in a second, spinning him around and around. When he finally set the dizzy Karkat down, he realized the apartment was full of people. "Surprise Karbro. It's your motherfucking wriggling day." Karkat clutched to Gamzee's black Tee and wiped away happy tears that's had suddenly sprung up with the fabric. "Oh god, we triggered him." Came somewhere from the crowd. "No chief, I think he's happy." Kanaya stepped forward to embrace him. "Happy birthday Karkat." The short troll smiled at the crowd. "Thanks guys." He leaned back into Gamzee, and noticed the crowd growing restless. "Well? Did anyone bring some fucking cake?" There was a squeal from Feferi or maybe Nepeta, and the crowd dissolved into conversation. Karkat rose to his very tiptoes and Gamzee leaned down to kiss him. "Thank you, you stupid fucking clown." Gamzee smiled down and the red eyed little miracle that was his boyfriend. "You deserve the motherfucking best." 

Eventually Gamzee lifted Karkat up (much to his disagreement) and carted him into the kitchen to blow out the cake cakes, take the first bite, etc. Karkat sat between Gamzee's legs on the couch as the party bubbled around him. He laughed as Nepeta tackled Equius and ordered him to yield to her efforts, and so he grudgingly complied. He turned to say something to Gamzee, but noticed a pained expression on his face. "Gamzee, what's wrong?" He asked quietly.

"Karkat, did you ever wonder how I got the motherfucking scars?" He buried his face in Karkat's neck. "A long motherfucking time ago I was friends with Nepeta and Equius. Long motherfucking story short, I up and tried to kill them. They're only motherfucking alive because Kanaya came along and kicked my motherfucking ass. But the scars are from Nepeta. I broke her motherfucking wrist and almost motherfucking choked Equius to..." Karkat stared at the green coated girl sitting atop her morail. He remembered hearing something from Kanaya about some highblood flipping his shit and going on some sort of terrifying rampage... But he never dreamed it would be Gamzee. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Gamzee curled in on himself, pressing his head into Karkat's shoulder even harder. "I was motherfucking scared. You would. Motherfucking. Leave." Karkat set his cake onto the table in front of him. "Gamzee I love you. I couldn't just leave you, and... Whatever happened wasn't your fault." Karkat knew that Gamzee had terrible schizophrenia and dual personalities, though he had yet to experience it with his matesprite. "Ok?" Gamzee nodded and tilted his head up as Karkat turned so they could kiss. An "awwww" came from somewhere and Karkat adopted a small blush. He had sort of forgotten that they were other people in the room. Gamzee smiled naughtily and grabbed Karkat's legs to rotate him to a better angle, leaning him over his leg and kissing him hard, biting at his lips with his teeth. The crowd went wild and Karkat felt Gamzee smile against his lips before sitting him back up. Karkat stubbornly tried to wipe the face paint away, his light grey skin flaming red. He was sure Kankri was just furious about triggers at the moment. "Time for presents." He hid behind his sleeve and grabbed a blue bag off of the coffee table. 

It was from Vriska, who couldn't make it but had sent a present anyway, which happened to be a little eight ball on a keychain and a charm for good luck. Aradia (also unable to attend) had sent a little crab plushy and dvd set of Karkat's favorite tv show. Kanaya had made him three new sweaters, rose had given him a storybook, Nepeta a stuffed-animal cat with a small robotic crab-thing to accompany from Equius. Vriska, Sollox, Terezi and Eriden had teamed up to buy Karkat a new computer, which caused him to blush and bounce up and down happily on the couch. Feferi had had to leave early for work, but had handed him a gift card and a bracelet made of strings and leather and charms all woven together. She slipped it around his wrist with a smile. "For frondship." Open closer examination he noticed that all eleven of his friends signs had been finely crafted with silver and woven in with the strings. He smiled, tears threatening to spill into his eyes. "Thanks Feferi." He wrapped his arms around her in a crushing hug which she returned with just as much vigour. "The card is for the fish shop. Take care of them!" She waved and closed the door. Karkat smiled and went to sit back in Gamzee's lap. Gamzee wrapped his arms around Karkat's belly, placing his lips on his neck and humming quietly. Karkat suppressed shivers from the light contact, hoping none of the other people in the room would notice. Finally Kanaya stretched and announced that she and Rose would be going home, which was met with agreement from many other mouths, and the apartment was empty in no time. Gamzee had laid down lengthwise, dragging Karkat along with him and the smaller male rested atop his chest as the juggalo left marks and kisses along his neck. There was a pause and then one lick and a small nip before Gamzee drew away. 

"Karbro, do you like the motherfucking beach?" Karkat shifted a bit. "I don't fucking know, I've never been." Gamzee kissed the end of his jawbone. "I'll take you." Karkat spun abruptly so that he could face Gamzee. "Really?" The clown stared with lazy eyes, tilting his head back. "For your motherfucking wriggling day." Karkat kissed him heavily on the lips. "Fuck yes! I've always wanted to go!" Gamzee pressed his face against Karkat and smiled into his lips. "Good." Karkat wrapped his legs around Gamzee's waist and nuzzled into his neck. It was high time he left some marks of his own.


	7. The Beach Part I

Gamzee hoisted the last of the bags into the car. "It looks motherfucking good Karkat." The short troll had his face buried in Gamzee's back. "Are you sure we didn't forget something?" Gamzee smiled and tried to spy Karkat over his shoulder. "Calm down Karbro. If we did we can up and motherfucking buy it." Karkat sighed and stepped back. "Ok. Ok." Gamzee leaned down, so Karkat stretched up to meet his lips for a moment. The keys dangled on the end of Gamzee's fingers. "Keys, phones, boyfriends. It's all we motherfucking need." Karkat patted his pockets, just in case. "Ok." He gave Gamzee a final hug before opening his door and sliding inside. Gamzee walked around the front and opened his door, sliding his seat back to allow for his legs and horns. The car started with a smooth purr and Gamzee turned until they were safely in the street and on their way. 

Houses slid past at a lazy pace until they were out of the neighbourhood and onto the freeway, racing with many others at seventy miles an hour, heading towards the coast. Gamzee took a hand off the wheel and squeezed Karkat's knee in a gesture of comfort. Karkat responded by resting his head on the drivers shoulder and reaching forward to plug his phone into the car jack. They had a long drive ahead of them. 

"Karbro." Candy red eyes shot open. Karkat had nearly fallen asleep. "Mmhm?" Gamzee glanced down from the road. "Why the motherfuck have you up and stayed around me all this motherfucking time?" Karkat snuggled back into Gamzee's arm. "I love you, shithead." He seemed to consider that for a moment. "Love is a motherfucking miracle." Karkat smiled. "Yeah." 

Suddenly he sat up tall in his seat. "Oh my fucking god. Is that it?" Gamzee glanced over at Karkat and chuckled deeply. "You up and motherfucking like what you motherfucking see?" Karkat latched onto his forearm. "Shhh." As they had crested the top of the hill before descending into the sea-side town the huge expanse of water had been revealed to them and Karkat was nothing but spellbound. It glittered in the sun, throwing light about like jewels, one of the most beautiful things the redblood had ever seen. 

When they dropped behind the line of buildings Karkat finally set down and turned to Gamzee. "Thank you fuckbrain." Gamzee smiled and continued driving, turning off and heading towards the right side of town. They drove past lots of little gift shops and eateries which Karkat made a mental note to check out later. 

The hotel was on the far right side of town in an area where the beach wouldn't be restricted at night. As soon as Gamzee had parked the car Karkat was out on the pavement. Gamzee's door opened and closed and he rested his arms on the hood. Karkat blushed and smiled at the ground. "Come on! Let's fucking go!" Karkat hopped up and down. Gamzee lifted his arms from the hood and walked around to the trunk. "Let's up and get our motherfucking stuff first." Karkat rolled his eyes but joined Gamzee anyway, shouldering his backpack and grabbing a few bags. When they had collected everything they needed Gamzee slammed the trunk and they moved towards the front doors. 

The glass an metal slid open easily. There was a jadeblood at the front counter. Her horns started split into two prices each giving her a sort of four horned look at first glance. Her lip was raised at one corner in a sneer, but she said nothing besides the usual hi, who are you, blah blah. Gamzee asked about their room as Karkat examined the lobby. It was one of the biggest and nicest buildings he had ever been in. Finally Gamzee finished and the secretary went back to typing on her computer. Gamzee hefted some of the bags into his shoulder so that he could hold Karkat's hand on the way to the elevator. "What do you motherfucking think?" "It's good." He pressed his lips to Gamzee's hand. "It's good." 

 

Gamzee sat on the bed. "Come the motherfuck out. There's no reason to be motherfucking embarrassed." Karkat sighed and opened the door of the bathroom, hugging his chest. A blush rose to his cheeks and he stepped farther out onto the soft carpet. He glanced up into Gamzee's face. The agreement was that if he washed his makeup off Karkat wouldn't wear a t-shirt with his swim shorts. He felt Gamzee's hands around his bare waist, his lips on his neck. "You're motherfucking beautiful." Karkat dropped his arms with another sigh. "Can we just go to the fucking beach already?" Gamzee smiled and slipped his arms around Karkat's legs, lifting him as he stood. Karkat curled up against his chest. 

By the time they had reached the sand Karkat was squirming and trying to get away. He almost managed it a few times, but Gamzee caught him again before he could even hit the ground. He rolled in place and nudged up under Gamzee's chin, nibbling at the soft flesh. "Let me the fuck go or I will bite you." As Katkat's teeth began to prick at his throat Gamzee dropped his legs, his feet sending a spray of sand in every direction. Karkat stretched as Gamzee released his other arm and took one of his long strides towards the ocean. "Hurry the motherfuck up Karbro." Karkat followed with his much shorter steps. 

Gamzee slung the towels out onto the sand and threw the cooler on top. Karkat leaned around him, staring at the jewelled sea. A long arm wrapped around his waist, pulling bodies and lips closer. Karkat blushed and pushed at Gamzee's chest. "Stop it. Anyone could see." He glanced over his shoulder. Gamzee seemed to consider this for a second. "Alright brother. Let's go play in the motherfucking salt."

Karkat stepped up to the end he of the wet sand, where the water would nearly touch his toes. Gamzee lumbered past him, the sea climbing up around his calves, then his thighs until it had reached his face. And then he was gone, only the tips of his horns poking out. Karkat almost reluctantly stuck one foot into the water, discovering that it was quite warm. When he had looked up again there was no sign of Gamzee whatsoever. Karkat shuffled forward until the pleasant liquid was up to his neck, then picked up his feet and allowed himself to gently be dragged back and forth. Directly beside him there was an explosion as Gamzee stood straight up and tossed his hair, spraying salty sea water everywhere. The once long and fluffy black hair now was plastered against his shoulder and face, some even wrapped around his horns. Karkat burst out laughing and tried to swim away, but Gamzee placed his hands against his ribs and dragged him backward. 

Karkat and Gamzee fought playfully for a bit, Gamzee trying to kiss the small troll and Karkat resisting against the action until Gamzee grabbed both of his thighs, wrapping them around his waist. Karkat's breath hitched at the mildly surprising action. He leaned up, pressing their chests and groins together and licked at Gamzee's neck, salt spreading across his tongue. Gamzee pressed his palms against Karkat, needing him to be closer. The water surged around his legs, an especially strong push sent them both down. They tumbled together, winding around each other, hands laced together. They both were washed into the soft sand near their blankets, sun and salt all about. Karkat leaned back to let the water tickle his toes and feet, feeling Gamzee's hand trace light patterns on his own. 

The couple remained on the beach for a greater part of the day, swimming in the water and fooling around on the sand. As Karkat let the hot sun beat down on him he felt a hand on his chest, breath near his ear. "Karbro. I'm motherucking hungry." Karkat grinned slightly and glanced at Gamzee out of the corner of his eye. "For what~?" Gamzee bit at the very end of his jawbone, giving a contradictory statement of "Food." Karkat rolled his eyes. "Fine." He stood and slung his blanket over his shoulders. 

"Let's go get some fucking food."


	8. The Beach Part II

Gamzee carefully leaned his head back, letting the clean water run over his shoulders. He could hear Karkat rummaging around in the bag on the counter, probably looking for a toothbrush. He grinned and leaned forward, running his tongue along his teeth. "Karbro. Come have a motherfucking shower." There was a pause. "I already had one." "Come have another." Karkat snorted and turned on the water to wet his toothbrush before shoving it in his mouth and exiting the room. Gamzee frowned but chuckled, tossing a bottle of body wash in the air. 

Karkat huffed. It was only a stupid hotel dinner. But he wanted to wear something nice. But not too nice. He picked up the suit. Fuck it. By the time he was dressed the sound of the shower had disappeared. He nervously pulled at the edges of the black suit coat, smoothing his hands along the red dress shirt. 

He heard the bathroom door open and shoved his phone in his pocket, refusing to turn around. There was a moment of silence. "Karkat, you ready to up and motherfucking go?" The snarkish comment at the top of his mind disappeared as he turned around. He'd never seen Gamzee in a suit. It was mildly... Arousing... And... Seductive. "Uh..." Gamzee smirked and stepped forward to put his hands on Katkat's hips, stretching down to kiss him. 

Karkat was still a tad bit shocked, but he leaned into the contact anyway. Gamzee nibbled at his bottom lip teasingly before pulling away, which nearly made Karkat whimper. 

Gamzee kept glancing up from his plate to look at his boyfriend. Karkat had noticed, but so far failed to catch him in the act. Dinner went slowly, but they made playful conversation to pass the time. When dessert arrived Gamzee poked a fork into the rich chocolate oozing confection, slowly bringing it to his mouth, even going so far as to raise his eyes to Karkat's before slowly sticking out his long tongue to bring it the rest of the way into his mouth. His silvery scars flashed a bit in the light, giving a nearly dangerous tone to the activity. Karkat shifted nervously in his chair, trying to dissipate the feeling crawling down from his stomach and towards his groin. He stabbed at the cake-thing, gleaning off huge pieces. Gamzee wanted to play that way? Fine. He locked onto the indigo eyes. The stupid clown looked so smug. Karkat raised his foot and unceremoniously pressed it right into Gamzee's groin. Karkat had never ever seen Gamzee's eyes go that wide before. Karkat finished off the rest of the dessert Gamzee hadn't managed to shove into his mouth, all the while his foot resting between the highblood's legs. 

Gamzee's breathing had certainly hopped up a notch as he watched Karkat carefully. The small troll applied a tiny extra bit of pressure before standing from the table and sauntering away. He felt Gamzee behind him almost immediately, though the taller said nothing, even as they got into the elevator. 

Karkat wasn't sure whether or not to be reluctant about the woman and two children inside. Gamzee was moving differently than usual. Karkat didn't know whether he felt aroused or threatened. Honestly, he always felt like that around Gamzee. It wasn't like he wanted to run away. Like he knew there was an air of naughtiness and he was drawn towards it. Or something. 

And the moment he opened the door, he dropped the keys. Gamzee had leaned down and latched onto the back of his neck, biting and kissing and sucking. Karkat's breath left his chest and he melted backwards into Gamzee, whose long arms ran down his body and under his jacket, untucking his shirt with a few sharp tugs. The huge hands fit so correctly along his rib cage, the temperature was so perfect against his skin. His mind started to cloud over a bit. No. He didn't want a one way exchange. That wasn't the point. With all his will, he leaned away so he could face Gamzee. His hands never moved, sliding over skin as Karkat turned. And suddenly Karkat had managed to stretch far enough to reach his mouth, teeth bumping a but from the slight hop. Gamzee chuckled, the sound vibrating in Karkat's mouth, who rolled his eyes behind closed lids. Gamzee's hands travled down, suddenly around Karkat's thighs, lifting him up around his waist. Karkat sighed as they met and Gamzee turned to push his back against the wall, and he hooked his feet together so he wouldn't fall, sliding his hands into the fluffy hair. 

Karkat gasped and let his head thump into the wall when Gamzee pulled away. He only held onto Karkat with one hand, his other forearm braced against the wall as he went lower with his mouth. Katkat felt himself slipping. He had an idea, but if he did this, there would be no going back. Karkat sighed. He didn't want to go back. He slowly let go of his hold on Gamzee's hair and neck, sliding his hands up to grip both horns. Gamzee all out moaned into Karkat, his whole body pressing forward and then sliding backwards in a wonderful wave like motion. He shuddered a bit before composing himself just enough to carry Karkat over to the bed. 

They both collapsed onto the sheets. Karkat placed his hands back onto the long horns. Gamzee's chest heaved against Karkat's, and he ground downwards just a bit before crawling forwards. He kissed Karkat once on the mouth, running his tongue for a sweep, then pulling away and leaning slightly forward. Karkat knew what he was going to do, and thought he was ready. 

His horns were too short, any touch was, well... Exciting. So he hardly ever let anyone touch them, let alone- He arched into the bed, all his breath rushing out in a second. Gamzee ran his tongue in a circle around the small horn, licking it in skill he had mastered. Karkat forgot what he was doing, twisting his hands into Gamzee's hair before letting them drop to his shoulders, then just above his elbows. He squeezed hard, trying to adjust to... This. It was new levels. Completely new. 

When Gamzee pulled away a whimper actually escaped Karkat's throat. Gamzee was tugging almost angrily at his jacket, which was quickly discarded along with his dress shirt. It wasn't like they hadn't made out without shirts before, but to a troll, intimate touching of horns was definitely third base material. Gamzee was still kissing him when Karkat felt his jacket being taken off. He managed to elbow Gamzee in the ribs before shedding it and pushing it to the floor. But when his second layer was nearly gone Karkat paused. Gamzee noticed the change in atmosphere and sat up gently, tilting his head to the side. Karkat glanced down at his own bare chest, his skin crawling as he gazed upon the many scars there. He knew his arms were even worse, and having someone so close, so able to stare at them was hard. Frankly, it wasn't beautiful or romantic at all. It made many people uncomfortable, and Karkat always had a fear at the back of his mind that at any second, Gamzee would run his hand across them... And the disgust on his face. 

Gamzee kissed him softly, slowly pushing the sleeves down. "It's ok Karkat." The redblood could feel the tension in his partners body, how bad he wanted it, how much control it took to go slowly, and his heart swelled. As the red shirt fell to the floor Gamzee ran his thumb over Karkat's gnarled skin. It brought him great amounts of sadness to know the the other had ever been in pain. He looked away from the scars so as to not cause Karkat any discomfort, his hand travelling up to tangle in Karkat's hair as he placed his mouth back on a short horn. 

Karkat lifted his hands up, looping his fingers into Gamzee's waistband and resting the backs of them against the soft skin near his groin. Karkat used one hard edge from his shoe to expose his sock, somehow managing to discard the other one as well. Gamzee switched to his other horn, rubbing his fingers around the base of that which he had just left. Finally he came back down to Karkat's mouth. 

They began a slow grinding rhythm against each other, hands sliding along bare skin until Karkat grazed a thumb against Gamzee's belt buckle. Gamzee lifted an arm and placed one hands on Karkat's, tugging at his own belt. Gamzee stood, feet on either side of Karkat's hips. He slid the belt out of its loops, tossing the now useless leather to the side. He slowly lowered his pants, letting them drop onto Karkat. He crouched back down again and Karkat kicked away the garments. Gamzee kissed a line down Karkat's chest and stomach, wrapping his fingers in his waistband. Purple eyes looked up at Karkat, asking for permission. The redblood gave one swift nod before Gamzee stripped off his pants, leaving them both in mere underwear. 

Karkat sat up abruptly, pulling down his underwear and kicking it off and to the side. He flattened his ears and kissed Gamzee hard. "Just fuck me already." Gamzee chuckled low his his throat, a sound so deep it threatened to be a growl. He leaned forward as Karkat leaned back, an arm on either side of the bottom's head. His face was inches from Karkat's, and he leaned his hips forward then back, nearly grinding down, but not quite. "Alright Karkitty, whatever you motherfucking say." 

Karkat's bulge squirmed in a tight coil and Gamzee ran his hand down to push a thumb along it. After what seemed like a long moment Gamzee hooked his thumbs in his waistband and pulled his undergarments of leaning back to pull them down around his feet and discard them onto the floor. He grabbed Karkat's hips and kissed him roughly, grinding their bare groins together. Karkat gasped and huffed at the contact, using all his will to keep up the pace and not collapse into a shuddering mess. He could feel Gamzee's bulge tickling at the entrance to his nook, and for a split second he thought about backing out. Gamzee looked up at him. "Ready?" Karkat panted and nodded once. Gamzee slid his hands down to Karkat's hips, slowly entering the smaller male. 

Karkat gasped loudly and gripped the bed frame tightly. Gamzee leaned down to kiss him and drew back slightly, shallowly thrusting. Karkat's bulge took a mind of its own, curling around the base of Gamzee's. Everything reached a high mood as the pair developed a steady pace, knots of arousal and lust twisting in their guts. Karkat felt the beyond up become in beatable and grabbed onto Gamzee's arm. "I'm-" he released, red genetic material spilling between the two a moment before Gamzee did like wise. The highblood collapsed next to Karkat with a sigh. He moved his head to glance at his lover. "I've been wanting to do that a long motherfucking time." Karkat smiled, turning over to snuggle up against him. He simply hummed, dragging his finger in lazy patterns over Gamzee's chest until they both fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for spelling mistakes. They will be fixed someday. Anyway, this fic is still being written so hang in there. I have a hard time with smut so the rest will be faster. Love you


	9. Chapter 9

"YOU G4V3 YOUR V1RG1N1TY TO G4MZ33 M4K4R4?!" Karkat blushed a deep red, glancing over at the drivers seat. Gamzee seemed a little zoned out, and Karkat made a mental note to tap his arm and make sure they didn't careen off the road. But he was a bit preoccupied at the moment. Reading over Terezi's text again, he responded with an appropriate "WELL WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT?!" 

There was no answer and Karkat huffed, dropping his phone into his lap. This action inadvertently woke Gamzee from his semi-trance. "Is there a motherfucking problem Karbro?" Gamzee extended his hand over the console without looking away from the road. Karkat shook his head and traced over a line on Gamzee's palm. "No."

"Are you sure?" He brought up a fingertip to run along Karkat's jawline, still without turning his head. Karkat purred quietly and leaned into Gamzee's hand. "Mhm." There was a distant chime and Karkat grabbed his phone from his lap, thinking about the next thing he would say in his argument, but the sender address was not Terezi. 

In fact, it was a huge group chat invitation from Kanaya. "Gamzee." Silence. "Hey Gam-" Karkat looked up sharply, grabbing onto the wheel and the spacey troll's arm. Just as he expected, Gam flinched a bit, nearly jerking the wheel to the side. "Are you ok?" Gamzee nodded and swiped a hand down his face. "Come on. Pull over." "Karkat- It's motherfucking fine, I-" "No. Pull. Over." The juggalo sighed and began the long process off pulling over on the interstate.

Once the pair had switched places Karkat handed his phone to Gamzee and began to pull back into traffic. "Did you take your medicine today?" "Mhhhmmm." "Gamzee please?" The passenger's hand twitched. "Gamzee. I love you. It's not a fucking addiction you have to break. You need to take your shit, ok?" Gamzee didn't respond, but shoved a hand into his pocket to pull out a pill bottle, mumbling while he swallowed them down with the water bottle. Karkat glanced over. "Kanaya sent us and invitation to a party at her house." This finally coaxed a smile out of the painted lips. "Kan's parties are the motherfucking best." 

~~~

"1'M ST1LL 4NGRY 4T YOU." Karkat tapped his thumb rapidly on his case. Gamzee hadn't woken up yet, and his "fight" with Terezi was on going. "FUCK YOU." He chewed on his lip. This response was a 50/50 chance. "H3H3." The air rushed out of his chest. That was good. He didn't want the party to be awkward or anything. 

Suddenly there was an arm around his waist, pulling him even closer to Gamzee's chest. The tall troll mumbled something into Karkat's neck, but his lips were colliding with too much skin to have his words make any sense. Karkat struggled to free himself, but only succeeded in allowing Gamzee to grab his right wrist. "Stupid fucking clowns." He continued to struggle helplessly. He felt Gamzee's lips on his neck and nearly relaxed and then- shit. Everyone would be able to see that. As if the marks from the vacation weren't bad enough! "Gamzee! Gamzee no! Bad! Stop that!" All his efforts were rewarded with a nip as Karkat's matesprite did exactly what he was told not to. He felt Gamzee's long fangs travel lightly down his neck. "Mm Karkitty." He quickly leaned over to peck Karkat's cheek before freeing the small troll and sitting up to rub at his eyes. 

Karkat rubbed at his neck. "Gaaaamzee why would you do that?" Terezi's already mad as it is, he thought to himself. Gamzee stared back with his low-lidded eyes. "I don't up and motherfucking recall what I did brother." Karkat hissed and playfully kicked the other males shin. 

 

Later in the afternoon Karkat stressed over his outfit. Gamzee told him it was fine, and besides he looked good in anything. As he ducked the bedroom doorway Gamzee added "Or nothing at all." Under his breath. Karkat scoffed, but felt a little tremor in his blood despite himself. Karkat peeked out of the door and unplugged his phone to stuff in his pocket. Gamzee was wearing his spotted jeans and a black T-Shirt with a vertical violet band around the middle. Karkat wore gray jeans and a simple black T-Shirt. "Gamzee go start the fucking car." 

 

Kanaya's house wasn't shabby by any means what so ever. It even had a hot tub and pool, with a movie theatre. The jadeblood herself waited at the garden gate, greeting the guests as they went past. When she saw Karkat she ran up and gave him a hug, briefly inspecting the mark on his neck with a sideways glance. "I'm so glad you came!" She tilted her head up and to the side. "Hello Gamzee." "Hi." A moment of awkward silence procecceded before Karkat suggested they join the party and Kanaya waved them on. Nepeta skittered up to briefly greet Karkat but seemed to get nervous, clutching her wrist. After a few minutes Gamzee mumbled something about drinks and wandered away. 

Karkat had fun at the party and managed to catch up with a lot of friends he hadn't seen in quite some time, but he started to miss the presence of Gamzee, and then couldn't quite find the big guy. He passed by Dave and rolled his eyes at whatever the blonde boy had said. He continued to survey every inch of the place, but his efforts were fruitless. That is, until disaster struck. 

In his mild alarm Karkat had failed to notice something he had kept focused on for many years. His whole life. And he found himself surrounded by people he was almost certain weren't his friends. 

Like an idiot, he had wandered off Kanaya's property and was now surrounded by highbloods. And humans. Working together against a common enemy. Redblood trolls. 

His breath dragged through his chest like fire, his hands began to shake as the circle closed in around him. Even in the dim street light he could see the blood that rose to their cheeks. Exicitment. He was hopelessly outnumbered. There was a blueblood, a teal and even a jade. And worst of all, three purples. Along with two humans. 

He desperately tried to keep the blood out of his cheeks, his arms, his palms. Maybe he could play off a rust? Who was he kidding? The tealblood could probably smell him from across the street, and the jade? "Hey, little fucker? You lost?" "N-n-no! I h-have a p-place to b-be right now actually!" Karkat took a careful step backward. "Mhm. Sure ya do." There was a pause. "I know you're lieing because no one cares about redbloods. Nobody cares about you." One of the violetbloods responded. Karkat bolted. It was instinct he had built up, he couldn't help it. Diving to the right he was instantly met by bodies, shoving him back towards the highbloods. As he stumbled someone- two people caught on to his arms, and would not release him no matter how hard he struggled. Helpless, stupid red tears rose up, spilling down his chin. 

Suddenly his left sleeve was pushed back to his elbow, exposing his scarred arm. At the sight of the silvery and grey flesh he recoiled, the sight almost more hurtful than a literal kick to the gut. He tried again to free himself, but both purples gripped him tightly. The teal giggled. "Aw look, he's already done half the work for us!" Karkat froze. "What?" A sharp nail ran across his arm, leaving nothing more than a light sting. The female violet holding him laughed. "You must hate yourself so much! Hahaha!" Karkat could feel his legs rapidly giving out underneath him. He glared at the girl holding him captive, and she slid his right sleeve down as well. From his left he heard the sound of a pocket knife being opened. The blueblood seemed nervous. "Hurry up man." The purple male, who seemed like the leader, snarled, lowering the knife to Karkat's wrist. "No. No! Please no! Oh god no! NO! HELP! HEL-" Karkat's pleas were silence with a single punch directly to the face. He winced and pulled his arm with all his might. "Shut the fuck up." The "leader" mumbled, digging his nails into Karkat's arm, blood welling up from where he did so. 

And then he drew the knife across Karkat's wrist. It was deep, devastatingly so, and blood pooled instantly running down to fall on the ground. Karkat watched in frozen horror, unable to move. He tossed the knife over and the girl drew it again across his other wrist. Karkat distantly heard the knife close and he was dropped to his knees. Silent sobs racked his body, tears flowing unstoppably. "Uhk. No." He brought up a trembling hand, pressing it desperately onto his left wrist. Someone kicked him in the ribs, hard and he fell to the ground. 

There was a sickening crack above his head and the sound of running feet. The teal fell before him, eyes wide and unseeing. In his adrenaline and blood loss stupor he couldn't make sense of it and rolled over, still clutching to his wrist, hands coating in candy red blood. Someone fell down beside him and he saw Gamzee. 

He was overcome with guilt. Here he was, dieing, seeing things, and he never got to tell Gamzee goodbye. His head dropped back down as he tried to lift it. Giving up on stopping the blood he reached out, weakly laying a hand on his face. Real. A real face. It was Gamzee. He was really there. 

A hand pressed against Karkat's ribs, rolling him onto his back. Karkat's hands fell back to his chest. He was so tired. He timidly pressed his left palm to his right wrist. 

"Karkat? Karkat? Oh god." Motherfucking Christ." Gamzee's purple tears ran swiftly, falling onto Karkat's chest. "No. Noooooo." He moaned. His hands skittered up to cup Karkat's cheeks, then back down to tightly press his thumbs over the deep wounds, oozing blood. 

"Gmzsaee issts ok." His breath ten times more raspy than before. "Ists oskk." More heavy breaths. "I lid map yuymdf. I- jus- I- I lofve you. Ok? I wiahdf gunng. Uhh. Hurts." Karkat's eyelids fluttered dangerously. In an odd moment of clarity Gamzee looped his arms under his matesprite, running in the direction of the on going party. "Please. Please don't leave. Done motherfucking leave me please." 

As he burst back into the garden the few people remaining went silent. Dave was instantly by his side and Gamzee crumpled to his knees, laying Karkat on the ground and securing his hands around his wrists again. Everyone began to move at once. There was a distant shout of "Someone call an ambulance!" Gamzee was wracked with so much grief he could hardly feel his own body enough to keep his grip on Karkat. There was noise of fabric ripping and a hand on Gamzee's shoulder. "Come on Gamzee. I need his wrist ok? Just for a second." One shaking hand released Karkat, and Dave quickly began to wrap a piece of his now ruined shirt around Karkat's wrist. Tieing it off he gently handed it back to Gamzee who gripped tightly to it once more. Dave gently claimed Karkat's other arm and wrapped it as well. No matter how hard Gamzee seemed to squeeze the blood seeped through the fabric at a dismal rate. Dave ran a hand through Karkat's hair. Yeah. He still loved him, and he might not agree with Gamzee but he had been glad they were together. And yet, both of them were too late. Whatever had happened, they were too late. Tears began and he jerked off his glasses, tossing them to the side and burying his face into one of his knees. 

"Gamzee-" Karkat's words weren't anything more than a breath at this point. "It's cold..." Gamzee made an in human chokeing noise and briefly brought up a hand to Karkat's cheek. "Karkat." He sniffled. "You're always cold." Karkat smiled but glanced down, seeing his wrists again. "I'm so sorry..." He whispered. Dave sobbed. "Don't be sorry Karkat. I love more than you can motherfucking imagine. Don't be sorry."


	10. Chapter 10

"Come on out motherfuckers!" Gamzee twirled his pins around his fingers. "Promise I'll make it just as motherfucking quick as your little motherfucking friend." His glaring, tear stained eyes whipped about wildly. "Not as motherfucking slow as you made it for him." The girl tried to run quickly for the door, but Gamzee was so, so, much faster. He loosed an arrow in a moment, her leg crumpling underneath her. As promised the second arrow quickly cut off her pain, or anything she would ever feel again. Spinning, he traded for clubs and the moment it made contact with that fucking blueblood's head- Gamzee sat up abruptly. Karkat's heart rate monitors were beeping quietly. Gamzee shook the dream- nightmare. He had to keep reminding himself. Nightmare- from his head. 

Surgery had come quickly enough, and the doctors said Karkat would most likely have full use of his hands again, maybe even soon. And his eyes- such lovely vibrant red- were open. It was the first time -three days- since the attack. "Gamzee?" His voice was like sand paper. But Dave was there first. By his side. Asking him how he was. 

Gamzee stared down at his hands. He hadn't known what to do. If it was all him, Karkat would have died. He stood, his chair scraping loudly against the ground. Before he closed the door he heard another "Gamz-" but it was cut out. 

He hadn't traveled very far down the hall when Dave opened the door. "Stop." Gamzee turned to face the blonde boy. Dave stepped outside, softly closing the door. "Look Gamzee-" the violet leaned down, nearly in a crouching position. "Why don't you just motherfucking go? Stay with him. He'll be motherfucking alright." Dave sighed. "He'll never be alright." Gamzee recoiled like Dave had reached out and slapped him. "What?" "He will never be alright! He'll never forget this! He never was alright. If I couldn't help him what could YOU possibly do?" "Mm yeah. He's right you know." Gamzee fought every urge to turn around to face the voice behind him. It wasn't real. It wasn't real. "W-what do you mean?" Dave's glasses his most of the expression in his eyes, but Gamzee was sure there would be disgust. The human sighed. "Look, I loved him. I bandaged his wounds- literally- and it never changed anything. I thought maybe things would be better with you but obviously it won't now. No offence, but you're not the person most suited to heal others." 

Gamzee blinked once. There was a howl somewhere behind him and he flinched. "I... I love Karkat- I can't... What are you even motherfucking saying Dave?" This seemed to stall him. "I don't know... I'm sorry." He then stepped back and re entered Karkat's room. Gamzee stood in the hall. "Kill him." "No no- he's right. The only one who can help Karkat." Gamzee shoved a hand into his pocket, swallowing his dose of pills dry. It didn't matter. He just couldn't bear to hear them anymore. He put a hand on the door way, and turned the handle. "Gamzee!" Karkat coughed a bit. Despite everything Gamzee couldn't resist, and strode over to Karkat's bed. 

Karkat sat forward as far as his weak body could go, stretching up towards Gamzee. Their foreheads met, and Gamzee sat on the edge of the bed. Dave mumbled something about coffee and left the room. Karkat titled his chin up, but Gamzee drew away. One of Karkat's hands shot up to grip Gamzee's arm. "Gamzee?" His voice was full of fear. "I think you should get back together with Dave." Instead of drawing away Karkat's grip tightened. The hurt in his eyes was so potent, Gamzee felt a wave of nausea rise inside him. "W-what? Why? I..." Gamzee closed his eyes. "No. No Gamzee, whatever he said to you, he doesn't mean it. It's not true." "He's the only one who can help you." "No Gamzee please..." Karkat closed his eyes, but tears still ran down his cheeks. His breathing was elevated and halting at the same time. "Gam-hzee. P-please. Understand you- helped me. So much. I love you. Please don't do this... Please." Gamzee finally looked up. "Why would you want to motherfucking stay with me?" Karkat didn't even hesitate. "Every reason." 

"Gamzee come on. You were the one who saved me... More times than I can count." He brought up a hand and pushed some of the long, soft hair from his face. In doing so he glanced at the wrappings around his wrist again, and slowly felt himself slipping into memories... Reality snapped back as Gamzee leaned into his hand. Karkat drew away and cradled his right wrist in his other hand. "They told me... They told me no one cared about me... They said if already done half the work for them..." He whispered. "And I don't think they were talking about the cuts. I think they were talking about how... I hate myself." Gamzee lightly covered the bandage with his hand. "You shouldn't." 

Eventually Dave returned and Karkat fell back asleep. Removing his shades Dave looked up. "Gamzee, I'm sorry." Gamzee blinked lazily. He was so tired, but hadn't been able to really sleep for the past three days. "He said you didn't motherfucking mean it?" There was a pause. "I up and motherfucking believe him." 

"You can go home and sleep. I'll stay here." Gamzee stretched. "It's not motherfucking home if he's not there." 

 

Kanaya and Rose visited the next day and Karkat was realeased by the afternoon. The doctors said to take it easy and not bend his fingers too much so he wouldn't tear through the stitches holding his tendons together. The police had come by to inform Gamzee that he wouldn't have to appear in court for the death of Gillia Altern or whatever her name was. It was painfully obvious that Gamzee's father had paid them off to keep his reputation untainted, but Gamzee wasn't going to argue with it. He needed to be there for Karkat, not in some jail in the middle of no where. 

As he closed the door Karkat sat up from the couch groggily, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands. "Who was that?" Gamzee sat down on the floor, placing his head on the sofa next to Karkat. "No one." The younger troll raised an eyebrow. "It sounded like the police." Gamzee gave in. "I don't have to go to court." "For... Uh..." "Yeah. We're free." Karkat hummed, looking down at a relieved Gamzee.

Suddenly there was a loud knock from the door, almost like someone was banging on it with their forearm. Gamzee stood and wrenched open the door. He really wasn't in the mood for- "Hello highblood." Signless stood on the sidewalk, sickle turned and ready to slice open Gamzee's chest.


	11. Cronkri Special: By Skencil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From Skencil: Yep I wrote this chapter, it's gay af pls enjoy
> 
> From Me: Yes I love this chapter. It's a little special segment from Cronus and Kankri after a little... Incident (in the next chapter). Hope you enjoy!! (As always sorry for editing mistakes they will be fixed someday.)

Kankri yawned and rubbed his eyes, it was about 6:00am. Kankri sighed and leaned on his bedframe, wondering about what he should do at such a time, he was already awake so there was no going back to sleep at this point. Kankri scanned the bedroom, scattered clothes and random items were everywhere, he never really did have time for cleaning. He slowly got out of his bed and searched for his laptop, where could it be? He had it last night didn't he?

After turning his room upside down he decided it was most likely in the kitchen or in Cronus's room. Kankri opened his door and walked down the tight stairs towards Cronus's room, he slowly opened the door trying not to let it creak and wake the sleeping violetblood. The laptop was rested on Cronus's lap as he breathed slowly and calmly in a deep sleep, Kankri smiled and slowly picked up the laptop from his lovers lap.

"Kankri?" A voice moaned, "what time is it?"

Cronus slowly got up, rubbing his eyes and yawning, if Kankri was up then he might as well be too.  
"Cronus I apologize for waking you, I merely came to get my laptop which, for some reason, was in your bedroom. I had no choice but to interrupt your slumber" Kankri spoke in a quiet yet firm tone, "Again I'm sorry, you shouldn't be up so early, go back to bed".  
Cronus couldn't help but smile and chuckle at his boyfriends talking, even in the mornings he talked up a storm.

"Chief I'm already up there's no point in goin back to sleep" Cronus yawned, "besides I'm hungry as fu-"

Kankri quickly turned his head to glare at Cronus.

"Um, Frick?" Cronus shrugged  
".... Good save." Kankri let out a small smile and opened the door towards the kitchen, he had a tumblr post to write.

Cronus groaned and slumped back onto his pillow, Kankri was so strict with words, it's just a curse, not hurtin anyone. He ran a hand through his hair and smiled, he loved it in a way.

"Whatcha writin there kan?" Cronus rested his head on Kankri's and stared at the screen.  
"Well I've just been thinking about how humans and trolls alike still use the hemospectrum and how ridiculously strange it is, I mean, there's no point anymore!" Kankri sighed frustratedly and leaned back in his chair.

"Kankri if this shit is upsetting you so bad why even write it?" Cronus said a bit worried for his boyfriends health, "Writing about something that makes you that upset has to be a pain in the ass right?"

"Cronus, language." Kankri sighed and looked up towards his boyfriend.

"You curse all the time, check your privilege babe." Cronus kissed Kankri's cheek and headed to get cereal to eat.

"Ok but hear me out Cronus," Kankri began, "Oh boy here we go again" Cronus sighed and put his arm on the table resting his head on his fist, ready for the lecture he was about to receive.

"Ahem, the hemospectrum is absolutely useless in this era, sure it worked in the past but it doesn't matter anymore, not only does it no longer serve any purpose or help anyone it can just be annoying! For example: triggers for this include-"  
Cronus smiled and filled his bowl with cereal while Kankri's voice filled the kitchen, it was annoying at first to hear him rant over nothing but now he enjoyed hearing kankri's voice anytime, he'll he could actually listen all day. Ok well not that long but still.

 

"Kankri listen to this, it's a new tune in workin on and I think it sounds pretty good!" Cronus smiled as Kankri walked over and sat on the couch next to him.

"Ok I'm ready to listen, whenever you feel it's best to play I'll be prepared for any mistakes you make and to not pass judgement on them." Kankri noted.

"Appreciate it kan." Cronus rolled his eyes and began playing different strings, a soothing tune played as Cronus hummed. Kankri slowly inched closer until he could rest his head on Cronus's shoulder as he played for the redblood. 

"Hey Kankri why don't you join on the piano huh?" Cronus smiled looking down at Kankri, he looked like he was about to fall asleep.  
"Oh, Cronus I couldn't. I'm a bit rusty and I don't want to ruin your song with my horrible piano playing skills. It wouldn't just be triggering to me and you but anyone else who would hear it." Kankri looked away towards the piano placed in the living room.

"Kankri why the hell would I get a piano for someone who ain't gonna amaze me while they play it?" Cronus smiled and played with Kankri's hair, Kankri sighed and got up from the couch towards the piano.

"You realize my father and I only played the organ right? I'm not the best with pianos" Kankri sat on the piano chair.

"Your dads a racist douche in the making" Cronus growled, "don't give a shit what he told you."  
"Cronus.. He's not that bad.."  
"Kankri he didn't even care when you got HURT." Cronus snapped.  
A silence fell between them, Kankri looked towards his feet, his heart sunk.

"I wish you wouldn't bring that horrible experience up so often just to prove your shitty points" Kankri mumbled and quickly got up from the piano to leave, "KANKRI SHIT, WAIT I DIDN'T MEAN IT!" Cronus threw his guitar to the side to grab Kankri before he regretted everything.

"Let. Go." Kankri pulled out of Cronus's grasp.

"Kankri no come here." Cronus grabbed Kankri by the waist to pull him closer, "I know how you get when your mad, you'll get even more upset and then nothing will get resolved" Cronus sighed.  
Kankri mumbled and slowly excepted Cronus's hug, hugging him back.

"I'm sorry I just" Kankri held in a cracked voice, "I know he's awful I just don't wanna hate him, oh I don't know."

Cronus sighed and hugged Kankri tighter, Cronus wanted to change the subject so he wouldn't have to see him upset like this, "to bad you didn't get to play the piano" Cronus looked down at him, Kankri looked up and smirked, "You're full of shit Ampora" Kankri dug his face into the taller males chest.

"You're grumpy because you didn't even eat anything" Cronus smiled, "we should go out to eat or somefin" Cronus flinched, shit no oh god no why would he say that.  
"Some fin?" Kankri looked up smugly, "Kankri I swear to god if you make a tumblr post about that shit I'll krill you- KILL" Cronus smacked his forehead in anger, "this only happens when I'm nervous Christ almighty".  
Kankri let out a chuckle and hugged Cronus a bit tighter, he was pretty hungry and wouldn't mind something to eat.

"Ah Cronus my apologies, I completely forgot to tell you something direly important that may assist you in the future" Kankri let go of Cronus and motioned for him to come closer, "It's a secret I have to whisper." Cronus leaned down so Kankri could whisper in his ear, or rather fin I guess you could say.

Kankri cupped the violet bloods face and placed a quick kiss on his cheek "I love you." Kankri smiled.  
Cronus's face began to flush the brightest purple he'd ever seen, looking at the red sweatered troll in all his glory.

"Anyways I thought that might help you in some way so you could comprehend my feelings for you in a way we both understand" Kankri crossed his arms, "I hope that becomes useful at some point and so we won't get confused about each others feelings in the near future." Kankri walked over to the door, ready to leave,"Anyways you said you wanted to get lunch?"  
Cronus smirked and raised an eyebrow, walking towards the small troll slowly. "So, you think you're slick now eh?" Cronus smirked, placing one hand on the wall Kankri was leaning against, Kankri crossed his arms and looked away, "I don't know, I suppose I have been pretty sly, but nothing to serious I would say. Although I'm glad you noticed." Kankri opened one eye and smirked.

"Try and be sly after THIS!" Cronus quickly swooped Kankri into his arms and began swinging him around like a doll.

"CRONUS!" Kankri couldn't help but laugh and hold onto his lover, screams of laughter filled the apartment. "Coming in for a landing chief!" Cronus yelled as he plopped Kankri onto the couch, pinning him down and kissing his forehead.  
Kankri smiled and brought Cronus's face down towards his own, the two shared tiny pecks and short kisses, both giggling at some points, this was stupid.  
"Cronus.." Kankri said as the two broke from a sort of long kiss, Kankri never really liked long kisses.

"Yea Kankri?" Cronus said looking into Kankri's soft eyes. "At some point," Kankri forced out, "I'm going to have to tell my father about you. About us." Cronus frowned,  
"I know. I just don't wanna do it now chief, I'd rather tell him when he's not pissed or in a crap mood."  
"So never then?" Kankri smiled, Cronus laughed.

"Tell him when your ready kanny" Cronus smirked, "I will, but right now I'd rather just.. Kiss you" Kankri leaned in for Cronus to kiss him again.

A quick buzz was heard from the table, Kankri's phone had gone off, Kankri sighed as Cronus got up to let Kankri get his phone.  
Cronus looked over to his boyfriends now terrified face, shit what happened?

Cronus put a hand on Kankri's shoulder to check if he was ok.  
"Cronus, we need to go meet Karkat and Gamzee, my father went crazy or some shit and tried to fucking attack Gamzee." Kankri's body was tight and full of anger, "That fuckass. I'll kill him, were going now."

Cronus was worried as hell now,  
"Kankri calm down I'm sure he's-"  
"WE ARE LEAVING. RIGHT. NOW." Kankri snapped with fire in his eyes and got up from the couch to grab his sneakers, Cronus quickly got his leather jacket and comb, not wanting to upset Kankri any further, Cronus started up his motorcycle and put on his helmet, Kankri did the same and hugged Cronus tight as they both headed towards Karkat and Gamzee's apartment.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings listed below are possible spoilers but please read them if you need to for you own personal safety. <3
> 
> *TRIGGERS*  
> Parental abuse/suggested parental abuse.   
> Minor self harm.

The door floated back to tap against the wall as Gamzee released the handle. "Whoah there, brother." "Brother?" Signless snarled. "Sir." Gamzee carefully corrected. "Dad?" Karkat's voice came from inside. Signless didn't take his eyes away from Gamzee. "Come here Karkat. I'm taking you away from this troll he's a dangerous, filthy, muderous-" Karkat stood slowly, noticing the weapon. "Signless, what are you doing?" "Oh so it's Signless now? How badly has this filth corrupted you?" Karkat gently grabbed a trembling Gamzee's arm, pulling his boyfriend behind him.

Signless glared at Karkat's bandaged wrists. "What happened? You try to kill your self again?" Karkat recoiled, pulling his wrist against his chest. "N-no- I-" "I don't care. All I know is that that thing-" Signless swung out a sickle to point towards Gamzee. "Killed someone. I thought that would be proof enough to you that he is evil." "He did that to save me!" "BULLSHIT!" Karkat stuck out one shaking arm, palm towards Signless. "Go away." Gamzee placed his hands onto Karkat's ribs, drawing him closer. Signless growled and his other sickle appeared in his hand. "Don't fucking touch him." He warned. Karkat's whole body vibrated with a low growl. "Go. The. Fuck. Away." Signless suddenly charged towards Gamzee. Karkat squeezed his eyes shut and summoned his sickles out of his strife deck, striking up and leaving a long slice on his fathers cheek. Signless stumbled backwards, shock registering on his entire body. Karkat stifled his tears. "I never want to fucking see you again." The young redblood tucked his weapons away. 

"I knew you were fucking useless anyway." Signless whispered just loud enough for Karkat to hear. Karkat's arm fell and his eyes went wide, everything sort of fading away. All he could hear was worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Signless turned and stormed away unto the night, doomed to never see his son again. 

Meanwhile that boy, who was a wonderful, smart, beautiful creature in reality only got three steps from the door when he crumpled to the ground. Gamzee came right down next to him, hands on either side of his face and trails of tears. One thumb wiped away a stream, but it was hopeless really. "Karkat? Karkat, can you hear me?" "I'm so selfish Gamzee. I asked you to stay when you could do so much better." Gamzee brought the smaller trolls head into his chest. "I don't want motherfucking better if it means I can't have you." Karkat's body flinched with a silent sob. And another, and another. He curled into Gamzee his tears soaking into his shirt. Karkat wrapped his arms around his lover and clutched tightly, suddenly ridiculously afraid he would disappear. 

Gamzee watched as his nails trailed through Karkat's hair, again and again. The little guy needed him... And he couldn't live without the little redblood. And it was something he'd never give up. 

They fell asleep on the floor like that, Gamzee curled around Karkat, keeping him safe, no matter what. 

 

When Karkat woke him his entire body hurt like hell. His wrists screamed bloody murder, his back moaned from the night on the floor, and everything else ached from crying. He felt Gamzee's quiet breathing on the back of his neck, his body warm around him. A peek out the window revealed that the couple had in fact slept through to the next afternoon. Karkat slowly slid out from Gamzee's arm, sitting with his back against the wall to watch him sleep. Eventually he stood and went to the bathroom. 

He sat on the toilet with a sigh, burying his head in his hands. He felt around in the back of one of the cabinet drawers, pulling out a small bag. He unzipped the bag, looking at the sharp instruments inside. Pulling one out he slowly unwrapped his wrists. The stitches poked out, painfully obvious. He ran his finger over one and winced, feeling a sharp spike of pain. Quickly he drew the small piece of metal over his skin. Just a few. Just a few. Just until it healed. Then he would stop forever. 

He quickly hid his small bag again. Karkat stripped his clothes and hopped into the shower, letting stupid awful red blood flow down the drain. He was sitting down, lacking the strength to stand, and flinched as there was a knock on the door. "Can I come in?" Karkat's breathing hopped up, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he glanced down at his arms. "Uh- no." Gamzee was silent. "I don't wanna share the warm water!" His voice cracked a tiny bit at the end, but Gamzee didn't seem to catch it. He snorted and retreated. "Alright." 

Karkat finished washing and turned off the water, hopping out and drying himself. He smeared lotion over his skin and quickly wrapped his wrists with fresh bandages. Bringing his clothes up to his nose he sniffed at them suspiciously. As he had predicted they smelled awful. Cracking open the bathroom door he peered out for a brief moment and then ran to his bedroom and into the closet, closing the door behind him. 

Yes he had seen Gamzee on the bed. Yes this was now an awkward situation as he had literally no space to move around inside the stupid closet. There was wheezing laughter on Gamzee's part as he leaned over, smashing his head into the bed between his legs. "Pfhahahahha Karbro? What the- Hahahahahaha!" He he continued with his unstoppable laughter. Karkat hissed loudly and wrenched open a drawer to pull out a huge short sleeve T-Shirt and some boxers. When he had finally gotten them on (with some difficulty) he threw open the door and jumped onto the bed with Gamzee, who was still trapped in hysterical laughter. 

"Oh whatever you silly fuckhead." Karkat playfully shoved Gamzee's arm and grabbed his phone from the bedside table. He paused a moment before opening up a message app. "KANKRI... YOU NEVER TOLD ME WHY YOU AND SIGNLESS DON'T TALK ANYMORE..." The response took less than a moment. "Signless? Karkat is s9mething wr9ng? Did s9mething happen?" Karkat sighed. "Hey Gamzee? Can you hand me some Advil?" By now the clown had stopped laughing and leaned over to hand the bottle to Karkat. "Thanks." "WELL... I GUESS YOU CAN SAY SIGNLESS MADE A MOVE TOWARDS GAMZEE AND HE AND I WONT BE SPEAKING FOR A WHILE." There was no reply. Karkat waited and the minutes dragged on. Gamzee nestled into him and began to trace small patterns on his legs. 

There was a loud, yet fearful knock on the door. "Karkat? You in there?" It was Kankri.


	13. Chapter 13

As soon as Karkat had the door open Kankri gripped him tightly by his shoulders. "Oh my gog- what happened are you o-" his eyes had traveled down the Karkat's wrists. "W-what happend? Was it Signless?" He seethed, practically read to go rip his fathers head off. "Oh... No." Karkat gently touched one wrist. "Didn't you hear?" By now Cronus had reached the door as well. "Is everything all right chief?" Karkat quickly hid his arms behind his back. "Well come in." As he stepped back he tripped over Gamzee, who had somehow managed to sneak up behind him without sound. Gamzee wrapped his long arms around his boyfriend, waves of protectiveness shedding off him. "Hello Cronus." "Hello Gamzee." The greeting was a bit stiff, but otherwise warm. 

Kankri started to ramble on and on about how worried he was. In a moment of quiet mumbling Karkat looked up to Gamzee, who raised and eye brow. "Hey Crobro, wanna go for a motherfucking walk?" Cronus opened the shades a bit to regard the early night outside and pretended to consider it. "Why not?" Once the door had shut Kankri placed his hands on Karkat's shoulders for the second time that night. "Karkat, what happened?" 

"Jegus Kankri, I just asked why you don't talk to Signless anymore." Kankri grew strangely silent for a moment. "You... Don't remember?" Karkat paused. "I..." "Well if you've repressed it, talking about the event could be very triggering." Karkat rolled his eyes. "Please just tell me Kankri." 

With a sigh the elder brother began. He could still remember almost every detail of the event, but he wasn't quiet willing to retell it entirely. "A long time ago when you were about... Six? Or seven." A long sighed escaped between his lips. "Well... I... Fath- Signless and I often went on sermons together." Karkat nodded. "One particular evening he was stupid enough to leave me alone to preach. In short, I had said many things that could provoke others, as well as wearing my..." He grabbed the hem of his bright red sweater and pulled it away from his body for a moment. "In short, Porrim and I were followed away from the riot. Once I realized what was happeneing," he took a deep breath. "I sent her away and was shortly beaten within an inch of life. As I believe you know I was saved by Cronus, but that's another story entirely. Once I returned home I greeted you and began to tell Signless what had happened. I told you to cover your ears... The argument had escalated, but the final straw was when he slapped me. Remember Karkat?" He gripped tightly to his brothers hand, the edge of his fingertips on Karkat's bandages. "I told you to text every day... I'm sorry I left you all alone in that house... I'm so sorry." Stray red tears splashed onto the joined hands. 

Karkat was speechless and partially caught in a tidal wave of memories. Kankri had left, unable to return. Yes. Now he remembered. Being left alone all those years. Wasting away. Things, terrible things he had repressed began to press forward. Being in the hospital. The slices in his skin. The alcohol. He took a deep breath and pushed it down, vowing that he would let it go later. For real this time. 

"It's ok Kankri." He wrapped his brother in his arms, squeezing tightly. 

 

There was the distinct sound of spark and fire from a lighter. Cronus glanced over and Gamzee glanced up, shaking his hand to get rid of the slight sting from being held too close to the flame. "Want some?" Cronus shook his head, looking towards the sky instead. "Not exactly a huge fan chief... Doesn't Karkat hate that?" Gamzee took a long draw, slowly expelling the smoke into the night air. "Yeah, I motherfucking suppose so." As he spoke the fog continued to drift out from between his teeth. Cronus kicked at a bit of gravel and drew his coat more tightly around him. "What's the weed stuff like anyway?" 

Gamzee chuckled and began to stride forward again. "Well, what do you mean brother?" "Guess I don't know." Gamzee inhaled once again. "You know how fall all up and motherfucking feels? Calm, motherfucking cool, like everything's winding down." Cronus was silent while he considered this. "A bit like that." "Alright chief." 

Cronus sighed. "What happened to Karkat? Not tryna bein rude or anything of course." Gamzee took the long plunge to sit on the curb and Cronus followed suit. "A bunch of screwed up motherfuckers. Cronus, have you heard from Kurloz?" The "sea dweller" figured he would heard about Karkat's accident from Kankri later anyway, so he accepted the subject change. "Ah no, as a matter of fact, I have not." Gamzee flicked the stub of the smouldering paper he had held down to the ground, swiping his shoe over it. "Why?" "Haven't heard from him in long motherfucking while, even for him." "Can't help you there chief, sorry." Gamzee merely shrugged. "How're things with Karkat?" "Let's up and put it this way. I could never live without the little motherfucker." Gamzee's companion smirked. 

"I know how you feel." There was silence for a moment. "So you two... Done the do?" Gamzee was deathly still. "That's a bit abrupt brother." Cronus scrambled for and apology, but before anything could be said there was a quiet "Yes." Cronus scoffed. "Lucky." "Karbro sure is some kind of motherfucking miracle, if ya know what I'm motherfucking sayin." Cronus threw his head back and groaned. "Kankri's all about his celibacy bullshit." "Maybe someday." "Whenever he's ready." 

Gamzee pushed himself up with his knees and offered a hand which Cronus gladly accepted. Once they had reached the door they both leaned against a wall. "So how did you woo Karkat anyway?" Gamzee shrugged and smiled slyly. "Maybe he motherfucking wooed me." "I-uh Whoah wow chief- um..." Gamzee winked and relaxed back against the wall as Cronus continued to stutter. When there was finally silence Gamzee looked up again. "You think they're motherfucking done with their little heart to motherfucking heart?" At this the would-be-greaser snorted. "Come on, they're Vantas's."

At this the door swung open, causing both highbloods to jump. "I can hear you two chatting out there." Karkat looked mildly annoyed at first glance, but Gamzee could see through his casual mask. The little guy was happy, and that's all that mattered. 

Once all four boys were inside and warm, wrapped up in each others arms... Safe, Karkat made some hot chocolate (tea for Kankri) and they settled on the floor of the living room. They chatted away into the night, just pondering over little things. 

Cronus and Kankri didn't end up leaving until midnight. Karkat gave his brother a final hug as the door closed, obscuring the red sweater from sight. The redblood felt a hand around his waist as Gamzee bent down to lightly kiss his neck. "You smell like weed you piece of shit." He commented in a neutral tone. Gamzee's hands slid down around his hips, fingers spread across the front of his belt. "Aw, Karbro, please don't be mad." 

Karkat thought about the for a moment. "Fine, just this once. But I swear to god if I taste so much as a hint of slime- ever-" "Ok~" Gamzee whispered into his ear and landed a small kiss on the very top of his cheekbone. Karkat turned to take his lips fully upon his own. "God Gamzee, I love you..." "Ha, Karbro, you don't even motherfucking know."


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hah who need proofreading certainly not me. Anyway I'm back yo please enjoy

4 and a half years ago

Kurloz nodded to the skinny man guarding the door. If he could even be called a guard. He was more of a look out, but if someone looking to kill, steal, or arrest anyone in the house did come by, hardly anyone in it would even be able to run. Technically, Kurloz owned the house, and by extension it's occupants, but he hardly thought about that anymore. He was extremely successful at what he did, not even considering his age and that he almost never used his chucklevoodoos. He wove through the hallways, peeking into some of the rooms before heading to the top floor. The place was really falling apart. He should send someone over some time to repair it. If Kurloz had known what was to come in the next months, he probably would have been more considerate to these people. But never sorry. He quickly headed up a set of crumbling stone stairs, where someone stuck out an arm across his chest. "What are you here for?" Kurloz glanced down. 

"Where's Gamzee?" The man who had stopped him looked up so quickly his neck popped. "Oh- sorry sir, I wasn't looking I didn't see-" Kurloz held out a hand to stop him. "Please just answer the motherfucking question my sweet brother." The man held out a trembling hand. "...Third door." Kurloz generously handed him a wad of $10 and stepped towards the indicated room. Entering it he saw him almost at once. He walked over to the thick pile of blankets Gamzee crouched in and on. "Gamzee?" 

The tall purple blood looked up at him dully. "Kurloz, my sweet motherfucking spawn bro." He was shivering and his voice sounded like his throat had a handful of gravel stuck in it. "I've been looking for you for motherfucking weeks." Kurloz's clear voice responded. Gamzee's eyes rolled back dangerously, followed by a disturbing backward tip of his head. It's wasn't anything Kurloz hadn't seen before, but it worried him all the same. "What the fuck did you up and fucking dose brother?" Gamzee shook his head. "They turn on the motherfucking light strings every night here and we all have a big party, Kur. I don't know. There's so much. I don't know. Most of em leave by motherfucking dawn. I didn't wanna come home. I didn't wanna-" he went into a spout of coughing. 

Gamzee's hand reached around inside his blanket and brought out a water bottle that had been clawed to shreds. He eagerly stuck his tongue through one of the slices, reaching around for the green substance inside. Kurloz quickly smacked it out of his hand. "Brother, listen. You need to come back to the motherfucking house. No. Don't complain. Father is gone." Gamzee chest began to heave, his breathes wheezing out from his lips. "No. Nonononononononono." 

Kurloz was having none of it. He yanked on Gamzee's arm even though he knew the state it would be in. He knew about the party houses where rich kids came to get high and miserable ones would eventually die. Parties with all mixes of troll and human drugs, sex, rape, and the drinking of blood and practically anything else they could get their hands on. When Gamzee crashed to the floor his suspicion was confirmed. There were uncountable slashes and needle pricks in his arm, obviously harshly disinfected with terrible chemicals and cauterized with painfully hot metals.

He smacked Gamzee sharply, hoping to bring him around. "How much did those motherfuckers take? How much did you fucking have?! When was the last time you ate?" He grabbed onto one of Gamzee's horns and shook his head around sharply. "What did they do?" At the moment, his brother was one of the worst cases he had ever seen. Any human or any troll lesser on the hemospectrum would have been dead a week ago. 

Gamzee wasn't going to make it through the night at this rate. His head swung limply side to side, his breathing sounded like his lungs had been stabbed, and his eyes were so glazed that Kurloz feared he may have gone blind. The older juggalo hoisted Gamzee to his feet and literally dragged him out the door and down the steps. At the bottom the guard grew antsy. "Hey- you can't take him out of here. He's gonna die and we can't take a security risk like that. You know- just leave him 'ere we'll take care of the rest-." Kurloz's eyes flared purple for a moment. No. He didn't need to voodoo his way out of this. "One more motherfucking word and the messiahs will come to deliver their sweet word upon you in the form of death." The guard put a hand around his throat. "Oh god no- please. Just go. Please don't tell Kurloz- please." Kurloz narrowed his eyes at the idiot. "You're fucking stupid." He kicked open the door and began to drag Gamzee down the side walk. 

A block away one of his employees opened the car door for the two males. "Yo- uh brother... He don't look to good. Maybe we should just-" The drug lord glared at his blue blooded companion. "Yea? What? Maybe you should just shut the motherfuck up." He finished stuffing all 6 foot whatever of Gamzee into the back seat. "My house." He ordered and slammed the passenger door. The car sped into the city. 

Present

Gamzee lay awake, arm wrapped around Karkat's sleeping form. The gashes and scars from his earlier years had become almost un noticeable. Whatever salves Kurloz had were 50 times better then the ones in any hospital. The only reason his face was so fucked was because he wanted the reminder. 

He shifted a bit, still running over his memories of that night. There wasn't much, the rest Kurloz had told him. Hauled out of one of the run down cement party houses within an inch of death, taken back to their fathers house. For days Kurloz and Meulin had slaved away over his living corpse, trying to bring back as much of him as they could. They did well. The only thing they couldn't do was bring back his ability to push the voices away at least a bit. If he had thought it was bad when he started drugs, he should've known how much worse it would get afterwards. The screaming, and desperate fights with Kurloz and anyone else in the house to get out because he knew they were going to kill him. The way he would fast for days thinking to appease one or another of the things inside him. Everything he had seen. The things the voices told him he had done. He only thought of it as his own personal time in hell. There was much more, but he didn't want to think on it, and turned his head to kiss Karkat's hair, his eyes still glued on the ceiling. He was watching it move. It wouldn't be another few hours until it was time to take his meds again, but the ceiling was absolutely crawling. He was also doing his best not to look at the damned wall behind the couch. The one he hated so much, he wanted to tear it down and burn the rubble. But it was all in his head and he damn well knew it. 

He circled back around to Kurloz. Three months after saving his sorry sixteen year old ass, Kurloz would hold his 19th birthday party, chewing out his tongue in the early hours of the morning. The most he could manage now was a blood curdling gargling noise that even Kurloz himself preferred not to hear. 

The ceiling suddenly let out a loud groan and Gamzee flinched. Was it going to fall? He had to think quickly. In the case it did fall he needed to shove Karkat hard enough to send him to the floor with enough momentum to keep him rolling until he was in the closet or at least at the edge of the room. But the little guy hardly seemed bothered, continuing to sleep soundly and nestling deeper into the pillow. 

Gamzee squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before gently pulling his arm away from his boyfriend and sliding off the bed. He was a quiet guy. The tall troll pulled on a pair of boxers and some discarded black jeans on the other side of the room, accidentally grabbing one of Karkat's shirts and then re thinking and donning an old purple t-shirt. He went to the living room and rustled around in a backpack before slinging it over his shoulder. He glanced up. The ceiling still squirmed mercilessly. Gamzee edged towards the back wall in the living room, quietly pressing his cheek against it. 

Listening to its sinister voice wasn't helping. Wasn't going to help. He knew that. But a few moments couldn't hurt. He fidgeted before pulling away and heading to the door. He pulled his keys off the hook and stuffed them in his pocket before stepping outside into the night. The apartment couldn't possibly hurt Karkat. He told himself this one hundered times a day. Nothing can hurt someone else unless they feel it too, really. The stars winked brightly, as if saying, it's ok, we know. 

It had rained earlier and Gamzee inhaled the smell of it deeply before setting off towards the courtyard behind their apartment. It was nice and kept well by the tenants. He hoisted himself into one of the best trees, really the only one big enough for climbing and began to collect things from his bag. Finally, he licked the edge of the paper he was rolling and finished sealing it together. He grabbed a lighter out of his side pocket and flashed it on, inhaling as he lit. Finally he leaned back and exhaled. He regarded his smoking hand quietly, knowing Karkat wouldn't be mad but that he should shower anyway. 

Suddenly, his heart skipped a beat as he looked over the roof to see a man walking across the parking lot, headed towards his apartment. Gamzee jumped from the tree and rounded the edge of the house just as the stranger went to knock. He leaned against the wall, never ever making a sound, inhaling deeply. He held his hand slightly off to his side and tilted his head. "What you doin brother?" He asked while exhaling. 

The man- no a woman? Gamzee couldn't tell. The person flinched and their hand fluttered towards their chest at Gamzee's voice. "Oh god. You scared me." They seemed to press on their chest to release the fright, probably some sort of nervous habit. Gamzee took on another lungful of smoke. "Well. What are you doing?" As they turned Gamzee examined their horns, much like his own but shorter and with opposite curves. They had on at least two sweat shirts and their hair had a wild quality to it. "I came to talk to you." 

"Well there's someone motherfucking asleep in there. I'd appreciate if you'd message ahead." They blinked. "It's urgent. Kurloz sent Meulin a distress signal. We need your help." Gamzee offered the last of his smoke to the troll, which they gladly accepted with trembling hands. They inhaled. Exhaled. "Kurloz is in the southern province." 

Gamzee leaned forward. "Excuse me?" "Kurloz is in the southern provinces." They whispered again. Gamzee pinched his nose. "Ah fuck." Being a drug lord in the southern provinces was probably one of the worst places you could possibly be in, unless of course you ran a ring in one of them, which Kurloz did not. "Motherfucker! Shit shit shit. Let me wake up Karkat." He shoved his keys into the door. "Come in." 

The informant awkwardly shuffled inside, practically clinging to the door. Gamzee shed his back pack and creeped into the bedroom. He sat down on the bed and put a gentle hand on Karkat's cheek, leaning down to kiss him awake. He opened his eyes and smiled up at Gamzee, who smiled sadly back. "Karkitty?" There came a sleepy hum. Gamzee slid a thumb gently up and down Karkat's cheek bone. "I have to go... For a bit. Just a little motherfucking while." Silently, Gamzee hoped to the messiahs he would come back at all. Karkat's hand suddenly was like steel on his arm, and he was wide awake. "What!?" He hissed. "Kurloz is in trouble... A lot of motherfucking trouble." Karkat sat up and grabbed onto Gamzee's horns, not really thinking clearly. Gamzee's breath hitched and he brought their foreheads together to lessen the pressure. 

"You can't just leave Gamzee. If you leave I'm coming with you." Gamzee tugged his head back a bit, but Karkat wasn't releasing his horns any time soon. "Listen here motherfucker. You can't come." Karkat dug his nails into Gamzee's horns, Gamzee in turn pressed his thumb harder into Karkat's hip. "Karkat I'm not motherfucking shitting you. It's too dangerous. You can't. Fucking. Come." Karkat's hand mercifully slid down to Gamzee's shoulders, but his nails immediately called up little pricks of pain. "Then you can't go." Gamzee harshly jerked back from Karkat's grip. "Why can't he get someone else?" They were both standing up by now. "Why do you have to go?!" Karkat was nearing hysterics. 

"It's doesn't motherfucking matter Karkat. It doesn't matter if I come back or you come at all because without him I would be motherfucking dead!" Gamzee's tone was harsh, one of the most cruel he had ever used on Karkat. Meanwhile, the small troll stared down at his still bandaged wrists. "Nonono. This is a dream. Gamzee you wouldn't leave me-" he was cut off by one of the ugly swallows made when crying. "I'll wake up- Gamzee-" The informant blinked before coughing and stepping forward. "He can come. We can keep him safe. You-" they were shaking with the fear of challenging Gamzee. "You can keep him safe." They squeaked. Karkat meanwhile stared at the floor, blank to his surroundings. "No." Gamzee stated simply. "Well if he becomes a security risk I cannot guarantee his safety here either..."

Gamzee shrieked with fury and slammed his backpack into the couch before quickly following it. What was he thinking. Of course Karkat wouldn't be safe here. He leaned forward and gently grabbed Karkat's arm, dragging him closer. "It's ok." He clung to his boyfriends hair, staring down at the small horns. "It's fine." Karkat seemed to be coming around and had balled up pieces of Gamzee's shirt in his fists. "I'm coming." "Yeah."


End file.
